I Knew This Day Would Come

Today I got the news I have known would eventually come....Dawson needs surgery. When Dawson was just over 2 years old, we found out he had a Chiari Malformation. In layman's terms, his brain stem herniated through an opening at the base of his skull and is compressing his spinal cord. Thankfully, we see a phenomenal neurosurgeon that has been watching Dawson since 2006 and waiting for the benefits of surgery to outweigh the risks. We are there. Dawson has now developed a cyst on his spinal cord from the lack of spinal fluid flowing and if we don't do anything, there can be long term damage up to paralysis.

The craziest part about today is that I was alone when I got the news. When Dawson first started getting his MRIs, James and I went together. They take about 4 hours each time and it was worrisome. As we got use to the feelings, I started taking him alone and James stayed with Colton so he didn't always feel like he was being shuffled. But, we have always gone to the follow up appointment together. It is better for us both to hear the information so we can bounce our questions off each other when we get home. Well this year, the day our appointment was scheduled, the doctors office called and had to reschedule. The only day available before school started was today. A day James was on shift. I told him that I had a feeling I would get some sort of big news since he wouldn't be there. You know what they say about a mother's intuition...

So here I am now. Numb, scared, questioning and yet thankful and confident. It is a very strange combination of emotions and I am sure it is only the beginning.

CRAZY Roller Coaster

Life is such a CRAZY roller coaster. There are ups and downs and everything in between. Days you want to scream, times you want to puke and at the end all you want is to do it again. Since I have managed to only post once a month since I got my job, I am going to try to remember some of the ups and downs that have happened.

Ups: It's always better to start positive, right? James and I celebrated 11 years of wedded bliss. We were fortunate enough to go to a great dinner with his crew and then got away to Prescott for the night. Then we went to the Chris Tomlin concert as a belated gift to ourselves. The day after the concert, I had a friend call me and tell me that when she saw us from behind she leaned over and told her sister in law that we were the most compatible couple she has ever met. She said that no matter whether things are good or bad in life or just between us, that she can always see the love underneath. What an awesome compliment to get!

The boys are doing good. Report cards came in and were great and Colton just finished AIMS testing. They are both playing soccer right now and having fun. Most days, I feel like I am chasing my tail and at times I get so frustrated I think smoke is coming out of my ears, but at the end of the day, they just make me laugh and it is all worth it!

My job is going good. My kiddos are making huge gains with reading and I am anxious to see their test scores at the end of the year. Last month I even got Teacher of the Month which was really nice to feel appreciated among my peers. It's one thing for a 2nd or 3rd grade kid to like you, but always nice when the people you work with do to. Isn't it crazy? I feel like this is such a short list and I am thinking through the list of downs and there are so many more. It is always so hard to come up with the positives!!

Downs: These are the things that make us stronger and most times we are laughing during them or shortly after they happen. At the beginning of March, Colton's asthma kicked into full swing. We were supposed to be at a wedding at 6pm and I couldn't get him under control, so I decided to run him to urgent care at noon thinking we'd be fine. Little did I know my baby would be transported by an ambulance to the hospital and have 17 breathing treatments and 3 rounds of steroids in the next 12 hours before we could go home. Now for the funny part...have you ever been billed by an ambulance company??? Seriously, $0.35 for gloves x 4 pairs. Good stuff.

Last weekend it was pouring rain, but my kids still had soccer. When we came home from the first game, everyone was wet and I told them to take everything off in the garage. As Dawson was going in the house, Colton went to brace himself against the wall and somehow the tip of his finger was in the door jam and sure enough it slammed closed on it. After 2 hours of crying and pretty substantial swelling, I took him in to find out it was broken. In the meantime, my mom had come to help me out and when she came in, Liberty jumped, off all fours, like she always does. Only this time she came down, let out a yelp and became my three legged dog for the next 24 hours until I took her in to the vet to find out she had partially torn her ACL. For the bargain price of $509.55, I made it through my weekend of James being on shift! (The good stuff only happens when he is gone!)

Dawson got a new kid in class three weeks ago. All year he had only had two card changes. Then, in the course of the last three weeks, he has had five yellows. He did inform me that he thought if he got in enough trouble that his teacher would send him home, which he likes because he doesn't love school. I shared with him that really he would just get to go to the principals office and then I let him experience 20 minutes in the cubby which didn't phase him one teeny tiny bit. It is very hard to raise yourself, especially when you were a stinker!!

Sometimes I feel like we get more than our fair share of trials, but I also think we know how to make them entertaining and God knows we will pull together and make it so it is what is it. Sometimes I think we are blessed more than we deserve. Either way, at the end of the day, I am happy I have my life. It's crazy, but it's mine.

He's Creative

I feel like I haven't blogged forever and want to catch up on a couple things. Things are going good with my new job. I am working with 78 kiddos right now and although I am tired and feel defeated some days, there are some kids making so much progress that it is worth it.

Today we had both of the kids conferences and they are doing great. Polar opposites though. I have Colton who is my straight A student and not happy because they aren't all 100% and then there is Dawson who probably would be fine with staying in 1st grade if it meant not having to put in any more effort. Both boys are playing basketball right now and Colton's team is so exciting to watch this year! They started keeping score and allowing fouls and stealing. It's a whole different game.

Now to the story. So, today I am walking down the hall to get Dawson from class and he is showing me the bracelet he made. He actually took a piece of paper and cut a thin strip off, tied a knot in it and made a bracelet. He was proud of it, but he was extra proud of the buttons he had threaded on to it. I was actually impressed that he threaded buttons on to paper without it ripping. So as he is proudly walking down the hall wearing his button bracelet, I asked him where he got the buttons. Without skipping a beat he holds the side of his shirt up and goes, "from here." Yep, that is right. My son cut all the buttons off his shirt to make his beloved button bracelet. I don't know if this is more creative than gluing the book shut in kidergarten so he didn't have to read it or not. Either way, I am such a proud mom!

Resolutions

It's New Years Day. Another chance to do and/or make everything right for the year to come. I have no idea what is so motivating about today and why we can't just change our lives any ol' day, but this seems to be the popular day to do it. I have so many things I want to do this year, but hate the thought of calling them resolutions....I feel like I am setting myself up for failure, especially when you hear statistics like 9 out of 10 people give up on their resoultions by the third week in January. I am a work in progress. Some of the things I want to work on, I have already accomplished and then let slip again.

Oh well, here's my list for this year:
-Lose 10% of my body weight and keep it off for good! (Not 30 days like I said last year. I kept it off for 5 months before I let it come back!)
-Really, truly work on my potty mouth....it's just not pretty.
-Find a true balance between being a wife, mom, friends, work & volunteering not losing myself in the middle of all of it.
-Instead of just laughing my way through situations, truly enjoying my life.
-Read the entire bible this year. I will keep this goal until I attain it.

I could go on and on, but really if I just prioritize my life this year, things will be good.

Big Changes

Monday I am going to face some big changes. On Monday, after 9 years and 4 months of being a stay-at-home mom, I am going back to work. I have been fortunate enough to get a part time job at the boys school to help kids that are behind in reading skills. Although I have my degree hanging on the wall right above me, I feel so unprepared. I was so nervous during my interview that I actually got an upset stomach. Analyzing my closet has been interesting too...I found that I either have "mom" clothes or "wedding/funeral" clothes. I have done some shopping though, so I think I am good now.

In some ways, I feel like not much will change. I am already at the school 20-25 hours a week volunteering, so now I will just be paid for 17 of them. I know all of the staff and get along with them. My boys are excited too which is nice. But, I am already having to miss my first field trip at the end of the month. Last week, I had to drop the boys off at a friends at 7:15am so I could go to training. And this Friday, the boys are off school and I am in training all day. Overall, I know it is going to be great. It gets my foot in the door if I ever want to go back to an actual career, it brings in a little extra money and it gives me a feeling of purpose. And the schedule works out so that James and I can still catch a movie or grab lunch once or twice a week. It is just weird to think I am going back to work!

Questions

I have so many questions about life. Sometimes I feel like I am on auto pilot like when you drive home and have no idea how you got there. Only, I wake up some days and have no idea how I got to where I am in my life.

How is Christmas only 9 weeks away?

How am I having parent-teacher conferences for my 1st and 4th grader?

How have I not worked for over 9 years?

How can I have my baby say, "for my 7th birthday...?"

How come I can't keep up with a blog or remember the funny stories when I have time to write them down?

Why do I constantly feel as though I am taking my loved ones for granted as if I will have forever to get to do things with them?

Why is it I can sleep 8+ hours and still feel tired?

What, oh what, possesed me to get a puppy?

What is so hard about actually eating healthy and exercising simultaneously for more than a week?

Can I get an extra hour added to each day?

Is it always going to be like this?

Time in a Bottle

This morning I am singing Jim Croce songs in my head. If I could save time in a bottle... Wouldn't we all like to do that? Time is getting away from me. Life is getting away from me. The boys are starting their 6th week of school already tomorrow. It is hard to believe it, but I know I am going to blink and Christmas will be here.

Dawson is doing fabulous in first grade. Actually so much better than I expected. I knew we had a terrific teacher when she was Colton's, but each kid is different, so I was a little worried, but she has not disappointed. The other day the principal even told me he couldn't believe how awesome he was doing when he popped into class for something. He is really starting to want to read and is trying to sound things out everywhere. Yesterday we went to the movies and in the middle of it, he turned to the sign and goes e x i t...exit. It reminds me of when Colton learned to read and we pulled into Fry's and as we were walking up he goes, "Fry's Food and DRUG! Mom, we can't shop here, it has drugs." So in the parking lot we had the illegal drugs vs. over the counter and prescription talk. It was funny. This year I feel like I don't have as many funny stories for Dawson, but I know they are there. The other day, someone reminded me about the bloody nose story from last year. As his class was walking to lunch, a kid in the hall was trying to stop his bloody nose. Dawson passed by, leaned over and said, "you have to stop picking your nose before it starts to bleed." Words of wisdom there. This year he is doing his regular things like telling the teacher he doesn't want her sticker when she asks him to read the sight words for the week. He's not shy. He knows what will work as a bribe and what won't.

Colton's year isn't going quite as well, but it's not bad either. He got a very interesting class which is making it hard. I was in between a couple of teachers and I knew one was going to be better academically and one was going to be better for his heart. I went with the one who was more mothering and there have been days I have been so thankful for her, but sometimes I wish he was challenged a little bit more. I have faith it will all work out though. He is on the cross country team and loving it. They practice every morning at 6:15am and so far it hasn't bothered him one bit. Tomorrow night he starts soccer too and while I will be exhausted, I am sure he will be in heaven just running around.

James went on his coveted antelope hunt and was successful. It is hard to believe he was drawn the first year he put in and got his antelope on opening morning. I was so happy for him. It was funny when it was all done, he got depressed the same way he does on Christmas night. There is so much prep and hype that when it is all over, he is bummed.

Liberty is still alive. She has eaten money, destroyed a new roll of paper towels so that it looked like it snowed, dug more holes to China than I can count, kept me up in the middle of the night, cost me more than a Disneyland trip and yet she is still here. The boys love her. Truth be told, I do too. I think she is going to be an awesome family dog when she is done being a puppy.

Life just passes by and I feel like each day, I take for granted the moments and the memories. Dawson got his first character cash, Colton ran a mile in 8 minutes 40 seconds, Liberty lost her baby teeth. In 6 months, I won't remember that. But they are the very moments that make my life what it is. The very moments I am so thankful for. If only I could save time in a bottle.

Softer

Growing up, my family always thought I was the one with the hard heart. I never thought I had a hard heart per say as much as I was just a very black and white person. I try not to be judgmental, especially since I can empathize with some situations that are hard. As I grew in my teenage years and especially once I had my own children, I started to see all the many shades of gray.

School started for my boys 3 weeks ago and I saw my old self sneak back in. There was a new boy in Colton's class. He lives two blocks away and the day they met, they clicked. However, he isn't the type of boy I necessarily want influencing my kids. From what I have heard, his parents had a lot and like so many others lost most of it in the recession. The first time we had him over, I was appalled and frustrated. He wasn't using four letter words, but he was talking ugly, using many words we don't in this house. When I mentioned that we didn't talk like that, he increased the amount of words he could fit into one sentence. He also spent the entire 2 hours doing nothing but putting down my child and everything he had and telling him how everything he had was better. Although I knew in my heart that that was a learned behavior, especially at that age, I got all mama bear and wanted to defend my kids.

I told Colton that I wanted him to play with this boy at school, but also to make sure to make and keep other friends. I talked to the teacher and encouraged her to keep them apart. But every day, he was all Colton talked about. About a week in to school, I heard that he came to school with all of his clothes on inside out. Not because he wanted to, but because nobody had washed any of his clothes and they were too dirty to wear. That is when my heart broke. No child should have to go through that, but especially not a kid living with mom, dad and grandpa in a 2500 square foot house. This boy was obnoxious because he was desperately seeking attention.

A couple days later, I let him come over again. I told the boys is was only for an hour and it went well. He was a different kid than the first time. He was respectful and didn't use any of the language I don't like. He was kind to and included Dawson. He was just happy to play. Then today, Dawson was supposed to have a friend over after school and I told Colton he could have this boy over. About an hour before, Dawson's friend called to cancel. Before we even had a chance to call Colton's friend, he was at our door. He had come over 45 minutes early which annoyed me a little. I politely told him that since Dawson's friend cancelled that we were going to have a family afternoon and he could come play another day. He looked so sad. He left and started to walk back home. I felt like I wanted to cry.

I told Colton to go get him immediately and all of the boys have been playing great even since. It's a fine line for me because I want my kids to have the best influences possible, but I also think that they need to have a big heart for those without. Sure he has a big house and more tangible things than my boys, but the one thing he is missing, the attention from his parents, is so much bigger. I am glad my heart is getting softer towards him and hope that this can be a place where he is encouraged.

Just Two Little Letters

I am overwhelmed. I am stressed. I am tired. And I did it all to myself.

I have this inability to say no and I don't know why. Sometimes I feel bad. Sometimes I actually think I can or want to do it. Sometimes my kids are asking. Sometimes I am just stupid.

School starts back up in 5 days. This week I agreed to help 3 half days in the copy room. Not bad, helping them, yet still having time with my kids. But then the church called and needed help with a cutting project. Sure, I can do it, I have my nights when James is on shift. And then the PTSO came up with this great back to school project for the teachers and I spent 15 hours getting it together. And then the kids want to squeeze in one last play date before school starts. And then the dog goes and gets an unexpected $200 UTI.

And at the end of my day, I am at the end of my rope. And while I am hanging, just for good measure, I have forget to say no to stress eating and the red vines that were staring at me today in the copy room and the dollar scoop night at Baskin Robbins last night. I swear.

I get so frustrated. With myself. With the people who take advantage. With my hubby for not putting his foot down and knocking some sense into me. Seriously, even if I made $8 an hour for the time I volunteer, just school alone would have been $8,000 and could have paid for my new A/C unit that is financed.

I don't know which is easier at this point; accepting that I am an idiot with the inability to say two little letters and just resign to being stressed or actually start saying no and deal with the guilt and the worry that nobody will do it (even though I know eventually somebody would or it just wouldn't get done and that would be how it was.)

Ugh! Sometimes my personality just irks me!

Letting Go and Trusting God

A couple of years ago, you could have thrown almost anything my way and I would have known how to deal with it. I would have prayed about it, let it go and trusted God to help me through it. I have noticed that over the course of the past year I am having a harder time truly letting go. I will have my moments where I think I am, but will quickly realize that I am still trying to control the situation.

This morning I looked at my daily K-Love email and it was John 14:1, "Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me." I am pretty sure that I am being spoken to. I am also sure that I need to and want to listen.

So...I am letting go and trusting God with my children. I think this is the hardest area for me to release. I know they are mine on loan, but for some reason I feel like I know what they need best. I am ready to accept that I don't. That things may happen in their life that I would have never thought would be good and they may not be, but there may be a valuable lesson behind it that shouldn't be missed. I am ready (again) to let God be in control of their lives instead of me.

There is a video I saw about a puppy who was being trained to be a service dog and because of her natural instincts had to be released from the program. Her owner had two options. One was to adopt her out to a good family which is what happens 99% of the time. The other was to keep her. She chose to keep her and not just that, she found that she could surf and now this dog raises thousands of dollars every year for disabled people. Instead of just touching one life, she touches many and it is only because her owner/trainer was willing to give her a chance to grow. My favorite line in the video is, "when I stopped trying to make her who I thought she should be and just let her be, she flourished." That is what I want for my boys. I want to just let them be, be who they are supposed to be, who God wants them to be, and to be thankful and proud of who they are.

What I have realized in the past couple of days is that what is bothering me the most is knowing where my relationship with God has been and where it is now. Six years ago, I depended on him for everything. Dawson's health. James' job. It all rested in His hands. And I was not only comfortable with that, but comforted by it. Then four years ago, when I felt I wasn't as close to Him, I prayed for that back. Shortly after, Dawson was diagnosed and I became fully dependent on Him yet again.

Now, without wanting the struggles, I find myself craving that relationship again. And while I am praying that it doesn't take something big like it did four years ago to get that back, I am accepting that it might and am ready to stop trying to control every aspect of my life so that it can't happen if it needs to. I am ready to let go and trust. And for the first time in a long time, instead of an overwhelming fear accompanying that, there is a peace and that is what I have been looking for.

9 Grown, 9 To Go

Today is Colton's birthday. I cannot believe it has been nine years since he came into my life! I also can't believe that in another nine years he will be an adult. This is the halfway mark and it makes me think. Have I taught him enough? What will he remember? Has there been more good than bad?

With so much on my mind, the one thing that sticks out was the day he was born. James and I went to dinner the night before and since I couldn't sleep, I made him stay up with me until 2am when we finally decided to go tot the hospital. I had been scheduled to be induced at 4pm on July 13th, but in Colton fashion, he came on his own at 12:07pm.

He has brought me so much joy. He is the most caring, compassionate, old-soul I have ever met. He sticks up for his friends, puts his dad on a pedestal and treats me like a queen. Even on his worst days of back talking or being disobedient, it always ends with an apology and a hug.

He loves sports! He doesn't even care which sport it is. As long as he is moving and has something to commentate on, he is on top of the world. He is so patient with Dawson and although he is reaching the age in which a little brother is no longer cool, he really loves him.

He has the biggest smile and since he got his braces off three days ago, it is even bigger. He has a heart of gold. He will be a fantastic husband and father someday.

He is nine years old today. He is growing fast. And he is loved more and more each day!

Backtracking

I have finally decided to put pictures on my blog. I haven't done it before because of all the crazy stories I have heard, but I realized that for some of my stories to have meaning, the picture needs to be behind it. So, I am slowly going to be backtracking and adding pictures to my previous posts.

While I was getting ready to do this, I was reading some of my posts. It is amazing how much I forget so quickly. I am so glad I wrote down some of the funniest stories and moments and some of the achievements I have made. One of those was losing 15 pounds before going to Hawaii in March. I even kept it off when we came home. But, on this last vacation, I gained a little and then as soon as Liberty came home I gained some more. I eat most when I am tired and stressed and nothing has does that more than a new puppy. So, tonight I made a promise to myself to get the extra weight back off and even keep going towards my goal of ten additional pounds after that.

Sometimes I hate looking back. There are mistakes and regrets. But there is also laughter and happiness. And sometimes it just renews your perspective and gets you going again.

So Much To Write, So Little Time

The only reason I have this blog is so that I can have memories. So many things happen each and every day and they just get stored away until we forget. I love retracing my steps and remembering some of the moments I have written about. The problem now is that I can't remember to blog. So much has happened in the last couple of weeks and I am sure 90% of it has already fallen out of my brain already!

The biggest moments happened the day school got out. My baby, my almost 9 year old baby is going to be a 4th grader. I have no idea how that is possible, especially because I remember 4th grade like it was yesterday. And then, my other baby went and graduated kindergarten. Seriously, I was a wreck. At least I knew what songs to expect, so I was able to keep it together a little, but seriously, how can this be happening? I am so excited about this stage in their lives. Watching them grow is amazing and I am usually filled with as much joy and pride as frustration, but it is because they are growing and figuring out their paths in life and I am so lucky to be able to take the journey with them.

Not even three days after school got out, I got bored. My boys were bored on the first day, but I waited until the third. The problem is that when I get bored, it usually results in me overcomitting myself either with my time or my finances. Well, this time I decided to do them both. The kids have been asking for a dog for a couple of years now. At Christmas we told them we would consider getting one after we got back from Hawaii. Well, on May 23rd, I more than accomplished goal #73 on my list when we went and picked out a 10 day old yellow lab. I have to say, she is one of the cutest things I have ever seen. We don't bring her home until the beginning of July and while I have been preparing myself for chewed couches, potty accidents, sleepless nights and all the other inconveniences that a puppy can bring, I am actually really excited about the long term benefits for my boys with having a dog.

Now, on to the stories. I am sure I am forgetting so many, but at least I am getting these down. About a week ago, the boys and I met the Wood girls to play softball. I am not good, nor do I claim to be good, so 11 pitches later, I finally hit the ball. Fast forward a couple of days. On the news is a story about a lady who was 87 and accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake running over a lady in a parking lot. The article said their was no impairment to which I commented, "except her age." Colton asked what impairment meant and what I meant and James explained to him that when you get old, you get slower and lose your reflexes and coordination. To which Colton replied, "like mom when we played softball?" Isn't that sweet? This is the same kid that asked me if I was going to join the Biggest Loser for my next diet and I had to explain to him that I only had 10-15 pounds to lose and that show was for people who had hundreds of pounds to lose. I think we need to work on his tact. :)

Then there is Dawson, my dear little exhibitionist. We had some friends over to play on the water slide and as they were walking into the bathroom to change, he barges past them, drops his drawers and uses the bathroom without skipping a beat. Did I mention our friends are 9 and 11 year old girls? So we have the talk with him about changing and using the restroom in private. About an hour later, the kids come in and the girls are getting ready to go into the bathroom to change. Even though I looked Dawson directly in the eye before he came in and told him to go into my room to change, he decided to do his own thing. He had gone into the bathroom and taken off his trunks, only he didn't have any clothes in there, so butt naked he opens the doors, says HI to the girls and takes off streaking down the hall. And then poor Caity goes, "Oh my!" I laughed so hard.

I wish I could remember more and that I had more time to sit here and rack my brain, but I am thankful for the couple memories I got out. :)

Dear Laundry

Dear Laundry,
I strongly dislike you. While I am thankful that you are around to keep us warm at times and make us look cute at others, I really can't stand you. Almost every time you are around, I consider joining a nudest colony. I don't understand why you find it necessary to hide one little sock under the couch until I am completely caught up, almost as if you want to make sure I never run out of you.

I will never understand why you need attention every single day either. And if I happen to forget you or choose to ignore you, then you decide to ruin an entire day where all I can do is spend time with you. Is there nothing else you can do with your time than sit around and just wait for me?

I know that some of my friends actually like you and get a sense of accomplishment from spending time with you, but I don't. I wish you would visit their homes more and mine less, but because that most likely won't happen, we need to find some sort of middle ground. I will try to acknowledge you more, but please stop playing your tricks.

Until the dryer buzzer goes off,
Me

10 Years Ago

Ten years ago, I had no idea what my life would hold. I was young, in love and living in the moment. There were no worries, lots of sleeping in and Sunday breakfasts out reading the paper from front to back. There was spontaneity, rash decisions, and plenty of money.

Looking back over the past ten years there has been tears, heartache, pain, worry, financial concerns, sleepless nights, job changes, and children (need I say more.)

BUT, there has also been laughter...so much laughter, happiness, lots of vacations, joy, pride, cuddle time on the couch, family movie nights, dog piles, dancing in the kitchen, and more laughter.

I could have never planned out any of the past ten years. Most of it happened by circumstance rather than choice. But, as the circumstances have happened, what we have chose it to find the positive and keep going. We are a stronger couple and a better couple than we were ten years ago. And, although I would like to plan the next ten years, I think I am okay with just sitting back and seeing where we go.

Hard Life Lessons

Today has been an emotional one. I started out just having a rough morning and then tonight my doorbell rang. It was the neighbor boys. Eight months ago, my neighbors took in their extended family after they lost their home. They had five kids.

It didn't take long and pretty soon all the kids got along. Colton really loved the two oldest brothers who were his age. They were outside six, if not seven, days a week for hours on end playing football and riding scooters. James and I would get upset sometimes because Colton would rather play with the boys than spend time with the family.

Yesterday, Colton and one of the neighbors both got "Character of the Month" at school. As we were getting ready to go to dinner as a family, he asked if we could invite the next door boy. I said sure and right now and so thankful for that dinner.

When I opened the door tonight, the boys told me they were moving to Texas in a hour. I couldn't believe it until I walked out and saw a small U-haul trailer behind their old beat up car. Each of the five kids only had a backpack and a small amount of clothes. No toys, no mementos. They packed a family of seven in two hours and left.

I am so frustrated with the parents. They are extremely selfish. They are moving because they were too lazy to get jobs and the family told them they had until the end of the school year. Instead, they upped and left today.

My boys have cried all night. I have cried all night. My heart breaks for those kids. I worry for those kids. And I am sad for my kids who just lost their "first best friends" as Dawson says. I keep telling Colton that it wasn't the kids choice and that sometimes parents make decisions that aren't always the best. It is a hard life lesson. He wants to write them and call and I wish he could, but for now they will be living out of their car somewhere.

Life just doesn't make sense...

Blessed with a Wonderful Husband

There are so many days that I truly take my husband for granted. This weekend he surprised me with a wonderful getaway up north for the night and arranged for the kids to be taken care of and even had friends waiting for us when we got there. It was amazing and I am so thankful for that night, but it got me thinking about how many little things he does that I don't acknowledge often enough.

-He gets up with the boys in the morning and gets them breakfast so I can have an extra 15 minutes to sleep. (As a matter of fact, he used to get them up and change them when they were babies before he brought them in to me to nurse.)

-He cleans the house all the time. I have only mopped one time in 11 years.

-He works his tail off so that I can stay home with the boys.

-He lets me have girl time any time I tell him I need it and never complains about being with the kids instead of out with the guys.

-He makes a delicious dinner and has no problem using every pot we own and then washing them when he is done.

-Above all, he is faithful, honest, caring and very funny!!

I know there are many other things he does that I am not even thinking about right now. The ones I listed are all things he has done or is doing this week alone. I am not sure what God was thinking when he crossed our paths, but I am thankful to be blessed with a wonderful husband!

Resolutions

Since it is New's Years Eve and all, I thought I'd better come up with some resolutions. After last weekend at church though, a couple of mine have changed. It made me think about the viewpoint taken when making, breaking or fulfilling resolutions.

So here are my 2010 resolutions using the acrostic RESOLUTION:

R-read the bible more
I would like to say every day, but I also want to achieve these goals, so more it is.

E-engage and enjoy my kids more
I don't want to miss any more of the little moments that make me so happy.

S-slow down
This is a big one for me. At least one night a week, I want nothing to be on the calendar.

O-obey God
There are many areas I bend the rules where I know better and I want to stop.

L-laugh more, love more
I love to laugh and want to love others better.

U-use my time wisely
This may include quitting facebook, but I need to stop wasting so much time.

T-treat my family better
I want to show my husband the respect I have for him and show my boys how much I love them instead of just telling them.

I-invest in my body
I need to take better care of myself, so each day I want to make sure I have 10 minutes of some sort of exercise.

O-own my boundaries
Part of slowing down is going to be owning the boundaries I set up for myself and learning to say no.

N-no more swearing
This has been a goal each and every year and this year I hope to achieve it.

15 weeks and counting

This morning I realized there are exactly 15 weeks until I get on a plane and fly to Hawaii to celebrate my 10 year anniversary with my hubby. This has almost sent me into panic mode. There is so much to be done!

First and foremost, I need to get me under control. A little over 3 years ago, I was 25 pounds lighter than I am today, and while I don't need to lose every pound of it to be happy, I need to get it under control. My problem is that I put the weight on at stressful times: when Dawson was diagnosed, when James went through medic school and most recently when James was home for 18 weeks with a broken toe/foot. It is a huge goal and one I hope I don't regret, but I am truly aiming for 1 pound per week before we go. At least then I will have pictures of the trip, otherwise, all the memories will be in my head. :)

Secondly, I need to get my mouth and my parenting under control. God forbid something happen to me or my kids during my trip and the lasting impression is not what I want it to be. Sure, we have great memories, fun activities and great vacations, but we also have lots of me blowing my top and saying inappropriate things out of frustration. I have got to find a way to curb that! I have tried and tried and I have realized that I have been relying on myself to do it and instead need to just drop to my knees and ask for help. I pray with all my heart that I will be the mother (and wife) I desire to be before the next 15 weeks pass.

Thirdly, holy paperwork! I have not printed a picture since Jan 2007. I need to get that done. Our will is outdated and we need to change our guardian for the kids (different reasons for different people at different ages in their life.) I need to get a new driver's license. I know that sounds weird, but 10 years ago when I got mine, it was in a batch where the pictures faded. So now instead of a picture, my face is just a blob of ink and the last time I went to the bank they wanted another picture ID. I need to file paperwork and taxes. I need to spend some serious time in the office!

I am sure there is a lot more that I need to do, but those are the ones that stick out. For instance, I know I need to go to the doc for anxiety meds because as excited as I am to take the trip, I am freaking out about the flight! I just cannot believe that time is flying so fast, that I only have 15 weeks and that my hubby has tolerated me for 10 years. :)

What a Crazy October!

This has been a doozy of a month. Actually, most of it has been a blur. But the parts I remember are going to be recapped in whatever words I can muster to type.

The month started fairly uneventful considering we were just coming off Pix-O surgery. James was incredibly busy with work and was in charge of the Engineer's test since his toe was still broken and he was still on a 40 hour week in the office. So there we are, going along, minding our own business when Colton wakes up the morning after the pumpkin patch with a fever. Not just your run of the mill fever, but a crazy, high, came out of nowhere fever. I tried to medicate him throughout the day and at one point he actually told me, "it was the worst he ever felt in his entire life!" Since it was a Sunday (my kids never do anything during normal business hours) I decided to take him in to Urgent Care. That was when I heard the words I was dreading, "positive for Influenza A, most likely H1N1." Great, we had the swine flu! I got his medication, brought him home and we basically locked him in his room for the next three days. Everyone in the house was wearing a mask and looking utterly ridiculous. Well, it seemed to have worked for James and Dawson, but since I was the oh-so lucky one who had been elected to go to Urgent Care and play with all the germs, wouldn't you know it, by Tuesday night I had the fever. Not a fever, but THE fever. The one that led my doctor to say the same nasty words on Wednesday to me.

At this point, my calendar is looking a little crazy. There is not really time for one of us, let alone me, to be going down with the flu. But, it was here, so we screamed and yelled and made the best of it. There were actually a couple of days that I wondered if my marriage would survive the flu. James was so incredibly sweet and accommodating, but I felt like he was more interested in disinfecting the house than actually packing our kids healthy lunches or not shrinking my clothes when he tried to do the laundry. Eventually, Colton and I got to feeling well and knock-on-wood, James and Dawson are still doing ok.

In the middle of the flu fun, James had scheduled to be at the boys school for fire safety month. First, he put on the Kindergarten Fire Safety Day and had the truck come out so the kids could squirt the hose. Then he brought out the Safety Education House Smoke Trailer and for two days he ran class after class through it, showing them what it would be like if their house caught on fire. After 34 classes and 1,100 kids, I am pretty sure he won't be volunteering for anything at the school any time soon.

Me on the other hand, that is all I do. I am in so deep and seem to have the absolute inability to say NO to anything. I have the copy room, the kids classes, the PTSO treasurer, the fundraiser, blah, blah, blah. It is out of control. Seriously out of control. At some point I am going to have to address this. The question becomes how and when.

On to happier news from the month. My sweet, sweet Colton scored his first ever touchdown last week during his football game. He has been playing for seven seasons, so it was so exciting to see him do it. The best part was that afterward, he ran across the field and literally jumped into my arms and hugged me so tight. In eight years, that was by far the best hug I have ever had! Both of the boys had great parent-teacher conferences and report cards which always make things nice. Finally, we closed on some land in Prescott Valley. I am not really sure what we are doing with it, but the options are there and that is a nice feeling. However, the bank account is now drained and that scares the crap out of me, but we seriously put it in God's hands and it fell into our lap so now we are just going with it.

I can complain all day long. And for some reason, it always seems easier to remember the bad things from the day, but life really is SO good. I have such an incredible man that puts up with me daily, two children who love me even when I have spent an entire day yelling at them, and a God who forgives me for it all. I really wouldn't change a thing, but do hope next month is slightly less eventful. :)