I remember when I was kid I used to love playing the opposite game. You could have so much fun changing things around. That is what I would like to do with my day today...change things around.
Colton has been sick again for the past couple of days. This is his 7th prolonged fever in 4 months. Granted, one was for the H1N1 flu and one was from pneumonia, but that still leaves 5 fevers. Fevers with a headache, stomach ache and sometimes a sore throat. And each time the doctor swabs for strep and each time it comes out negative. It is becoming altogether frustrating.
Monday, he went to the nurse with a headache, but the fever hadn't started yet. Tuesday the fever came, we went to the doc and all tests were negative. Wednesday the fever stayed. Today the doctor called and told me she wants us to go see an immunologist and try to figure out what is going on. It is not as though he is getting different viruses like a normal kid. He seems to have the exact symptoms each and every time. While I was on the phone with her, she started asking me questions and wanted to know what his throat looked like. I told her I thought it was fine, we had just been in there less than 48 hours prior. But when I looked inside, I almost died. His one tonsil was so swollen that is was pushing the little dangly thing in the back of his throat to the other side and it was covered in puss pockets. She told me to bring him in right away.
When we got there, she looked him over and told me that he still didn't have strep but what he did have was an abscessed tonsil. How in the world you get one of those, I still don't know, but he has it. And now he has medication for it and hopefully he will go back to school tomorrow.
In the midst of him staying home from school, I missed my hair appointment today. This is the 2nd time I have had to reschedule it because of sick kids too. And I am sad. I have been feeling extremely frumpy and for some reason, having my hair done makes me feel pretty and this is just one of those days where I desperately needed to feel pretty. But instead, I still feel frumpy and fat and so I had 5 candy bars from Halloween to add to the problem. Not good.
Then there is Dawson. His teacher asked me if I would like to call another IEP to address some of his behaviors that are coming back. Behaviors that have been gone since he left the 3 year old preschool, but they are back. He is back to humming when stressed. Not a happy little tune, but a loud drone that sounds like an air conditioning unit waiting to explode. He is also twirling and flapping and just out of control. It is so hard too because this is such an unstructured time of year at school that I don't know how much of a factor that is playing in all of this. There are plays and days off and Turkey Trots and Jingle Bell Jogs and class parties and all sorts of things. What there is not is consistency which he so desperately needs. So I am feeling defeated and blaming myself and frustrated with all of this too.
Finally, my dear James and his stupid broken toe. If I had known 17 weeks ago that it would still not be healed, I would have considered cutting it off. Not seriously, but that is how I feel. At his last appointment, the doc said she was not comfortable releasing him to the truck because she wasn't sure how stable it would be if he had to jump out of bed for a call. So she held him another 10 days and he went in today for his release. However, on the way there, he found out that he is not working enough time before Thanksgiving for holiday pay so it is better to stay on the 40 hour week and have the time off for free. Now his official back to work day is November 30th. November 30th for an injury that happened on July 26th. And he is not even pain free and we have lost over $800 on holiday pay while he has been in the office.
So, yes, I would like for today to be opposite day. I would like for my kids to be happy and healthy and not have to have outside therapies. I would like for my hubby to be pain free and back to the fire truck and get an occasional overtime shift. I would like to have pretty hair and feel good about myself.
But since that isn't the hand I was dealt, it looks like I better end the pity party, pull myself up by my bootstraps and hang on. This is my life. It could be better, but I know it could be worse and at least I have a great family to look back and laugh about it with.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Lying, Stealing and Touchdowns
I think I have officially lost all control with my kids and today did nothing but affirm that my parenting needs to be questioned at best.
My day started by taking Dawson to school early to return the magnets to his teacher that he stole from class the day before. Yes, he took 7 blue star magnets, stuffed them in his pocket, came home, put them on the fridge, and apparently played with them for a while before I even noticed that they weren't ours. When I asked him where they were from, he plainly replied, "school." As if this is no big deal. This, of course, is coming from my son who five-fingered a Superman toy off the bus last year without their knowledge or mine and when I asked him if he took it, he told me, "Yep, I sneaked it in my backpack!" I do not know what to do about this either. Because Dawson is Dawson, I truly don't think he "gets" what he is doing. Not that that excuses it by any means, but I think that for him it is more about seeing what he can get away with than the actual stealing and wanting to keep of an object. This theory of mine is supported too by the fact that he has also brought home post-it notes with random information that his teacher has dropped on the floor.
So, I make it through that and then there is my dear Colton who seems to be testing the "little white lie" to the max. That child will not stop with the most ridiculous lies ever. They aren't big, the aren't about important stuff and yet he keeps telling them. Dumb things like not finishing everything to eat and throwing it away instead of just being honest. Or telling us he used the bathroom before football even though he didn't so he wouldn't be late to the game once we got there. Really minor and senseless things, but when do the little lies grow. I just feel out of control.
I feel so out of control, that tonight I once again earned my Mother of the Year award when I told my children that they could keep lying and stealing and maybe we could get them a shared room at the juvenile facility they will end up in. Seriously, I know it is not that bad. I just don't know where to go. I have spanked, I have pulled privileges, I even made Colton pay me for the food he lied about wasting and still I get no where.
Which leads me to tonight. By time we got to football, I was so frustrated I told Colton's coach he had to sit out the first 5 minutes of the game, to which his reply was, "Sorry, but this is my territory." So against my wishes and better judgment, Colton played the entire game and even scored the winning touchdown. Then we go to Dawson's game and he scored a touchdown too. It is so wonderful to watch the boys do something they love, to see how proud they are of themselves when they accomplish something great, to see them as part of a team. Now if I can just get everything else under control, it will all be fine. Right?
My day started by taking Dawson to school early to return the magnets to his teacher that he stole from class the day before. Yes, he took 7 blue star magnets, stuffed them in his pocket, came home, put them on the fridge, and apparently played with them for a while before I even noticed that they weren't ours. When I asked him where they were from, he plainly replied, "school." As if this is no big deal. This, of course, is coming from my son who five-fingered a Superman toy off the bus last year without their knowledge or mine and when I asked him if he took it, he told me, "Yep, I sneaked it in my backpack!" I do not know what to do about this either. Because Dawson is Dawson, I truly don't think he "gets" what he is doing. Not that that excuses it by any means, but I think that for him it is more about seeing what he can get away with than the actual stealing and wanting to keep of an object. This theory of mine is supported too by the fact that he has also brought home post-it notes with random information that his teacher has dropped on the floor.
So, I make it through that and then there is my dear Colton who seems to be testing the "little white lie" to the max. That child will not stop with the most ridiculous lies ever. They aren't big, the aren't about important stuff and yet he keeps telling them. Dumb things like not finishing everything to eat and throwing it away instead of just being honest. Or telling us he used the bathroom before football even though he didn't so he wouldn't be late to the game once we got there. Really minor and senseless things, but when do the little lies grow. I just feel out of control.
I feel so out of control, that tonight I once again earned my Mother of the Year award when I told my children that they could keep lying and stealing and maybe we could get them a shared room at the juvenile facility they will end up in. Seriously, I know it is not that bad. I just don't know where to go. I have spanked, I have pulled privileges, I even made Colton pay me for the food he lied about wasting and still I get no where.
Which leads me to tonight. By time we got to football, I was so frustrated I told Colton's coach he had to sit out the first 5 minutes of the game, to which his reply was, "Sorry, but this is my territory." So against my wishes and better judgment, Colton played the entire game and even scored the winning touchdown. Then we go to Dawson's game and he scored a touchdown too. It is so wonderful to watch the boys do something they love, to see how proud they are of themselves when they accomplish something great, to see them as part of a team. Now if I can just get everything else under control, it will all be fine. Right?
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Trick or Treat
Halloween. The candy, the costumes, the sugar highs, the meltdowns. Who doesn't love it, right?
Three weeks ago, I took the boys out shopping for Halloween costumes. Every year I have only one stipulation and that is that they have to be "themed." I know it is terrible, but I was an only child and lonely and they are my kids and that is my form of torture. So one year they were firefighters, one year was Batman and Robin, one year was Scooby Doo and Shaggy and last year was Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker. My only other stipulation this year was that they couldn't be Star Wars people again. Well, after an hour at the costume store and many arguments, we left with Captain Rex and Commander Cody costumes. Both Star Wars Clone people...whatever, I didn't have the energy.
So tonight, at 5:15pm, as we are getting ready to get dressed, Colton tells me that he doesn't want to be his Clone Trooper guy and that he wants to be a football player and just wear his uniform from last nights game. Well, that would have been a fine idea three weeks ago, but after the fits thrown at the party place to be these stupid Star Wars guys, there was no way I was going to let him out of it.
We finally got dressed and headed out. Of course, since James is on his hunting trip, my mom came over to help me out with the kids and I must say, she loved every single minute of the boys being difficult. She almost starts to glow when they give me grief. I think it makes her feel like she is getting even with me for the amount of grief I put her through.
It was a beautiful night and I must say, Dawson is at my favorite age for trick-or-treating. Except, I am not sure he entirely gets the concept. There were a number of people this year who left their doors open since the weather was so nice. My dear child, walked right on into those houses and loudly said, "Trick or Treat!" It didn't matter how many times I told him to only go up to the door, he kept going right in. Then I saw somebody post on Facebook tonight how strange it is that for 364 days a year we tell our kids not to talk to strangers and then on Halloween, we encourage it. Things that make you go "hmmm."
We made it home with enough candy to feed a small village and the kids are now passed out in bed. I guess it's time for me to go pick out and hide my favorites. :) Happy Halloween!
Three weeks ago, I took the boys out shopping for Halloween costumes. Every year I have only one stipulation and that is that they have to be "themed." I know it is terrible, but I was an only child and lonely and they are my kids and that is my form of torture. So one year they were firefighters, one year was Batman and Robin, one year was Scooby Doo and Shaggy and last year was Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker. My only other stipulation this year was that they couldn't be Star Wars people again. Well, after an hour at the costume store and many arguments, we left with Captain Rex and Commander Cody costumes. Both Star Wars Clone people...whatever, I didn't have the energy.
So tonight, at 5:15pm, as we are getting ready to get dressed, Colton tells me that he doesn't want to be his Clone Trooper guy and that he wants to be a football player and just wear his uniform from last nights game. Well, that would have been a fine idea three weeks ago, but after the fits thrown at the party place to be these stupid Star Wars guys, there was no way I was going to let him out of it.
We finally got dressed and headed out. Of course, since James is on his hunting trip, my mom came over to help me out with the kids and I must say, she loved every single minute of the boys being difficult. She almost starts to glow when they give me grief. I think it makes her feel like she is getting even with me for the amount of grief I put her through.
It was a beautiful night and I must say, Dawson is at my favorite age for trick-or-treating. Except, I am not sure he entirely gets the concept. There were a number of people this year who left their doors open since the weather was so nice. My dear child, walked right on into those houses and loudly said, "Trick or Treat!" It didn't matter how many times I told him to only go up to the door, he kept going right in. Then I saw somebody post on Facebook tonight how strange it is that for 364 days a year we tell our kids not to talk to strangers and then on Halloween, we encourage it. Things that make you go "hmmm."
We made it home with enough candy to feed a small village and the kids are now passed out in bed. I guess it's time for me to go pick out and hide my favorites. :) Happy Halloween!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
What a Crazy October!
This has been a doozy of a month. Actually, most of it has been a blur. But the parts I remember are going to be recapped in whatever words I can muster to type.
The month started fairly uneventful considering we were just coming off Pix-O surgery. James was incredibly busy with work and was in charge of the Engineer's test since his toe was still broken and he was still on a 40 hour week in the office. So there we are, going along, minding our own business when Colton wakes up the morning after the pumpkin patch with a fever. Not just your run of the mill fever, but a crazy, high, came out of nowhere fever. I tried to medicate him throughout the day and at one point he actually told me, "it was the worst he ever felt in his entire life!" Since it was a Sunday (my kids never do anything during normal business hours) I decided to take him in to Urgent Care. That was when I heard the words I was dreading, "positive for Influenza A, most likely H1N1." Great, we had the swine flu! I got his medication, brought him home and we basically locked him in his room for the next three days. Everyone in the house was wearing a mask and looking utterly ridiculous. Well, it seemed to have worked for James and Dawson, but since I was the oh-so lucky one who had been elected to go to Urgent Care and play with all the germs, wouldn't you know it, by Tuesday night I had the fever. Not a fever, but THE fever. The one that led my doctor to say the same nasty words on Wednesday to me.
At this point, my calendar is looking a little crazy. There is not really time for one of us, let alone me, to be going down with the flu. But, it was here, so we screamed and yelled and made the best of it. There were actually a couple of days that I wondered if my marriage would survive the flu. James was so incredibly sweet and accommodating, but I felt like he was more interested in disinfecting the house than actually packing our kids healthy lunches or not shrinking my clothes when he tried to do the laundry. Eventually, Colton and I got to feeling well and knock-on-wood, James and Dawson are still doing ok.
In the middle of the flu fun, James had scheduled to be at the boys school for fire safety month. First, he put on the Kindergarten Fire Safety Day and had the truck come out so the kids could squirt the hose. Then he brought out the Safety Education House Smoke Trailer and for two days he ran class after class through it, showing them what it would be like if their house caught on fire. After 34 classes and 1,100 kids, I am pretty sure he won't be volunteering for anything at the school any time soon.
Me on the other hand, that is all I do. I am in so deep and seem to have the absolute inability to say NO to anything. I have the copy room, the kids classes, the PTSO treasurer, the fundraiser, blah, blah, blah. It is out of control. Seriously out of control. At some point I am going to have to address this. The question becomes how and when.
On to happier news from the month. My sweet, sweet Colton scored his first ever touchdown last week during his football game. He has been playing for seven seasons, so it was so exciting to see him do it. The best part was that afterward, he ran across the field and literally jumped into my arms and hugged me so tight. In eight years, that was by far the best hug I have ever had! Both of the boys had great parent-teacher conferences and report cards which always make things nice. Finally, we closed on some land in Prescott Valley. I am not really sure what we are doing with it, but the options are there and that is a nice feeling. However, the bank account is now drained and that scares the crap out of me, but we seriously put it in God's hands and it fell into our lap so now we are just going with it.
I can complain all day long. And for some reason, it always seems easier to remember the bad things from the day, but life really is SO good. I have such an incredible man that puts up with me daily, two children who love me even when I have spent an entire day yelling at them, and a God who forgives me for it all. I really wouldn't change a thing, but do hope next month is slightly less eventful. :)
The month started fairly uneventful considering we were just coming off Pix-O surgery. James was incredibly busy with work and was in charge of the Engineer's test since his toe was still broken and he was still on a 40 hour week in the office. So there we are, going along, minding our own business when Colton wakes up the morning after the pumpkin patch with a fever. Not just your run of the mill fever, but a crazy, high, came out of nowhere fever. I tried to medicate him throughout the day and at one point he actually told me, "it was the worst he ever felt in his entire life!" Since it was a Sunday (my kids never do anything during normal business hours) I decided to take him in to Urgent Care. That was when I heard the words I was dreading, "positive for Influenza A, most likely H1N1." Great, we had the swine flu! I got his medication, brought him home and we basically locked him in his room for the next three days. Everyone in the house was wearing a mask and looking utterly ridiculous. Well, it seemed to have worked for James and Dawson, but since I was the oh-so lucky one who had been elected to go to Urgent Care and play with all the germs, wouldn't you know it, by Tuesday night I had the fever. Not a fever, but THE fever. The one that led my doctor to say the same nasty words on Wednesday to me.
At this point, my calendar is looking a little crazy. There is not really time for one of us, let alone me, to be going down with the flu. But, it was here, so we screamed and yelled and made the best of it. There were actually a couple of days that I wondered if my marriage would survive the flu. James was so incredibly sweet and accommodating, but I felt like he was more interested in disinfecting the house than actually packing our kids healthy lunches or not shrinking my clothes when he tried to do the laundry. Eventually, Colton and I got to feeling well and knock-on-wood, James and Dawson are still doing ok.
In the middle of the flu fun, James had scheduled to be at the boys school for fire safety month. First, he put on the Kindergarten Fire Safety Day and had the truck come out so the kids could squirt the hose. Then he brought out the Safety Education House Smoke Trailer and for two days he ran class after class through it, showing them what it would be like if their house caught on fire. After 34 classes and 1,100 kids, I am pretty sure he won't be volunteering for anything at the school any time soon.
Me on the other hand, that is all I do. I am in so deep and seem to have the absolute inability to say NO to anything. I have the copy room, the kids classes, the PTSO treasurer, the fundraiser, blah, blah, blah. It is out of control. Seriously out of control. At some point I am going to have to address this. The question becomes how and when.
On to happier news from the month. My sweet, sweet Colton scored his first ever touchdown last week during his football game. He has been playing for seven seasons, so it was so exciting to see him do it. The best part was that afterward, he ran across the field and literally jumped into my arms and hugged me so tight. In eight years, that was by far the best hug I have ever had! Both of the boys had great parent-teacher conferences and report cards which always make things nice. Finally, we closed on some land in Prescott Valley. I am not really sure what we are doing with it, but the options are there and that is a nice feeling. However, the bank account is now drained and that scares the crap out of me, but we seriously put it in God's hands and it fell into our lap so now we are just going with it.
I can complain all day long. And for some reason, it always seems easier to remember the bad things from the day, but life really is SO good. I have such an incredible man that puts up with me daily, two children who love me even when I have spent an entire day yelling at them, and a God who forgives me for it all. I really wouldn't change a thing, but do hope next month is slightly less eventful. :)
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Attack of the Pix-O's
I was so excited for my week to begin on Sunday. Colton had been really sick last week and came home from school almost every day. On Thursday the doctor decided to take some x-rays and we found out he had pneumonia. He had to take this absolutely disgusting medicine, but by Sunday the cough and tummy ache had gone away. We were so happy he was feeling better that we went to Prescott to hang out with friends for the day. When we got home, I was so happy. I had the boys back packs ready and my week was looking good. James and I left the boys with Brian and went to small group. From there on, my excitement about the week ahead dwindled.
When we walked in the door after small group, Brian frantically said, "We have a BIG problem." Problem number one is that Brian doesn't get frazzled or worry about much. It is great when he watches the kids because he never stresses out. So, I knew this couldn't be good.
Apparently, when Dawson was playing with his Pix-O's, he decided to do a magic trick and hide them in his ears. He was going to pull them out and surprise everyone. Of course, he was the one surprised when they didn't come out. However, instead of telling Brian about it then, he decided to wait because he didn't want to get in trouble. Well since Pix-O's are little plastic beads that are covered with a dry glue that gets activated when it gets wet, this story isn't going to get any better. So Brian, not knowing about the Pix-O's, gave Dawson a bath, fully submerging his ears under water. At that point, I guess it burned a little (probably the glue) and Dawson decided to tell Brian.
When we got home, we tried everything, but could barely even see them since he put them in so far. I took him to Phoenix Children's urgent care and they tried to work their magic there. All we got was a crying kiddo and bleeding ears. This was not looking good.
Today, we took him to our ENT. He also pulled out all the stops, used everything possible in the office and worked on Dawson's ears for about 30 minutes. After getting no where, they decided to schedule surgery for tomorrow at 7am.
So, there you go. Pix-O's may be a fun invention for the kids, but not necessarily the safest one. I am praying tomorrow goes well and quick and that my dear Dawson learns from this little "magic trick."
When we walked in the door after small group, Brian frantically said, "We have a BIG problem." Problem number one is that Brian doesn't get frazzled or worry about much. It is great when he watches the kids because he never stresses out. So, I knew this couldn't be good.
Apparently, when Dawson was playing with his Pix-O's, he decided to do a magic trick and hide them in his ears. He was going to pull them out and surprise everyone. Of course, he was the one surprised when they didn't come out. However, instead of telling Brian about it then, he decided to wait because he didn't want to get in trouble. Well since Pix-O's are little plastic beads that are covered with a dry glue that gets activated when it gets wet, this story isn't going to get any better. So Brian, not knowing about the Pix-O's, gave Dawson a bath, fully submerging his ears under water. At that point, I guess it burned a little (probably the glue) and Dawson decided to tell Brian.
When we got home, we tried everything, but could barely even see them since he put them in so far. I took him to Phoenix Children's urgent care and they tried to work their magic there. All we got was a crying kiddo and bleeding ears. This was not looking good.
Today, we took him to our ENT. He also pulled out all the stops, used everything possible in the office and worked on Dawson's ears for about 30 minutes. After getting no where, they decided to schedule surgery for tomorrow at 7am.
So, there you go. Pix-O's may be a fun invention for the kids, but not necessarily the safest one. I am praying tomorrow goes well and quick and that my dear Dawson learns from this little "magic trick."
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Eye Check
This week has been crazy...this month has been crazy. And although I am vowing to go back and write down funny stories, I didn't want to let this one slip.
My Tuesdays and Wednesdays are crazy days. Today, I was at the boys school for 7 hours, came home for 20 minutes, went to a PTSO meeting and then went straight to a Teen Moms meeting. Needless to say, there is not a lot of time to touch up make-up or hair or change into the proper attire for each meeting. So tonight, to save time and energy, which I am extremely low on, I just put my black shirt for my Teen Moms meeting over my red and white striped shirt that I had been wearing all day.
Okay, now to the funny part. Last week, Colton had the health fair at school and although they said his eyes are fine, I am noticing things to where I think he needs to have them checked. I mentioned it to him and that was that. Tonight when I got home from my meeting, he was in the hallway walking to his room in the dark. About five minutes later, he came out to give me a hug goodnight. He leaned over and whispered to me that he needed to talk to me in bed. So, I went in his room and this was the conversation:
Me: "What's up?"
Colton: "I really think I need to have my eyes checked." (sounding very concerned)
Me: "Okay, honey. What made you decide that?"
Colton: "Well, when I first saw you in the hall tonight, your shirt looked black and then when I came back in it looked red with white stripes. That's not good."
Of course, I told him what had happened and then we giggled about it for the next five minutes. I am actually smiling about it again as I type. I am so thankful that amid all the stresses in my day that my sweet, sweet boys can always bring a smile to my face.
My Tuesdays and Wednesdays are crazy days. Today, I was at the boys school for 7 hours, came home for 20 minutes, went to a PTSO meeting and then went straight to a Teen Moms meeting. Needless to say, there is not a lot of time to touch up make-up or hair or change into the proper attire for each meeting. So tonight, to save time and energy, which I am extremely low on, I just put my black shirt for my Teen Moms meeting over my red and white striped shirt that I had been wearing all day.
Okay, now to the funny part. Last week, Colton had the health fair at school and although they said his eyes are fine, I am noticing things to where I think he needs to have them checked. I mentioned it to him and that was that. Tonight when I got home from my meeting, he was in the hallway walking to his room in the dark. About five minutes later, he came out to give me a hug goodnight. He leaned over and whispered to me that he needed to talk to me in bed. So, I went in his room and this was the conversation:
Me: "What's up?"
Colton: "I really think I need to have my eyes checked." (sounding very concerned)
Me: "Okay, honey. What made you decide that?"
Colton: "Well, when I first saw you in the hall tonight, your shirt looked black and then when I came back in it looked red with white stripes. That's not good."
Of course, I told him what had happened and then we giggled about it for the next five minutes. I am actually smiling about it again as I type. I am so thankful that amid all the stresses in my day that my sweet, sweet boys can always bring a smile to my face.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
The Truth Hurts
When we went to church today, Colton had to do a worksheet with the acrostic PRAY. The P was for Praise, things to be thankful for. He was thankful that Jesus was loving, forgiving and kind. The A was for Ask, things to ask Jesus for help on. He asked for help on his grades, being nice and playing fair. The Y was for a Yes or No question. The letter that hit me the hardest was the R. It was for Repent, what was he sorry for. When I read his response, I teared up. It said, "I am sorry for always making my mom mad."
I cannot begin to say how much this broke my heart. The past few weeks have been rough around here. We are trying to adjust to a new schedule and I tend to yell every morning to try and get the boys out of the house on time. I haven't been feeling 100%, basically since school started. I can sleep 12 hours a day and still feel tired. My throat hurt for a week, my stomach is not right today. But even with all of those excuses, and that is all they are, is this what he thinks about in his alone time with God?
This has hit me right between the eyes. Not that it is excusable with Dawson because he is younger, but Colton is at an age where these are going to be his lifetime memories. What kind of legacy am I leaving? If I got cancer or was in a car accident tomorrow, would he remember the mom who snuggled up to watch movies, took him on fun vacations, helped out at his school to be around him, and went to all of his sporting events to cheer him on? Or, would he remember the mom who yelled when she was overwhelmed, who said, "in a minute" so I could finish an email, or laid on the couch because I had a headache?
My time with him is running out and I want to be the kind of mom that he remembers with more good than bad. I have always heard that it takes 10 positive things to undo a negative and it is proving to be true. I just pray I can get myself to a point where I am not stressed. If that means taking things off my plate, then I will have to get over the fact that I feel like I am letting people down. The person I need to be concerned with not letting down is my son, my family for that matter and God. Say a prayer for me.
I cannot begin to say how much this broke my heart. The past few weeks have been rough around here. We are trying to adjust to a new schedule and I tend to yell every morning to try and get the boys out of the house on time. I haven't been feeling 100%, basically since school started. I can sleep 12 hours a day and still feel tired. My throat hurt for a week, my stomach is not right today. But even with all of those excuses, and that is all they are, is this what he thinks about in his alone time with God?
This has hit me right between the eyes. Not that it is excusable with Dawson because he is younger, but Colton is at an age where these are going to be his lifetime memories. What kind of legacy am I leaving? If I got cancer or was in a car accident tomorrow, would he remember the mom who snuggled up to watch movies, took him on fun vacations, helped out at his school to be around him, and went to all of his sporting events to cheer him on? Or, would he remember the mom who yelled when she was overwhelmed, who said, "in a minute" so I could finish an email, or laid on the couch because I had a headache?
My time with him is running out and I want to be the kind of mom that he remembers with more good than bad. I have always heard that it takes 10 positive things to undo a negative and it is proving to be true. I just pray I can get myself to a point where I am not stressed. If that means taking things off my plate, then I will have to get over the fact that I feel like I am letting people down. The person I need to be concerned with not letting down is my son, my family for that matter and God. Say a prayer for me.
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