Softer

Growing up, my family always thought I was the one with the hard heart. I never thought I had a hard heart per say as much as I was just a very black and white person. I try not to be judgmental, especially since I can empathize with some situations that are hard. As I grew in my teenage years and especially once I had my own children, I started to see all the many shades of gray.

School started for my boys 3 weeks ago and I saw my old self sneak back in. There was a new boy in Colton's class. He lives two blocks away and the day they met, they clicked. However, he isn't the type of boy I necessarily want influencing my kids. From what I have heard, his parents had a lot and like so many others lost most of it in the recession. The first time we had him over, I was appalled and frustrated. He wasn't using four letter words, but he was talking ugly, using many words we don't in this house. When I mentioned that we didn't talk like that, he increased the amount of words he could fit into one sentence. He also spent the entire 2 hours doing nothing but putting down my child and everything he had and telling him how everything he had was better. Although I knew in my heart that that was a learned behavior, especially at that age, I got all mama bear and wanted to defend my kids.

I told Colton that I wanted him to play with this boy at school, but also to make sure to make and keep other friends. I talked to the teacher and encouraged her to keep them apart. But every day, he was all Colton talked about. About a week in to school, I heard that he came to school with all of his clothes on inside out. Not because he wanted to, but because nobody had washed any of his clothes and they were too dirty to wear. That is when my heart broke. No child should have to go through that, but especially not a kid living with mom, dad and grandpa in a 2500 square foot house. This boy was obnoxious because he was desperately seeking attention.

A couple days later, I let him come over again. I told the boys is was only for an hour and it went well. He was a different kid than the first time. He was respectful and didn't use any of the language I don't like. He was kind to and included Dawson. He was just happy to play. Then today, Dawson was supposed to have a friend over after school and I told Colton he could have this boy over. About an hour before, Dawson's friend called to cancel. Before we even had a chance to call Colton's friend, he was at our door. He had come over 45 minutes early which annoyed me a little. I politely told him that since Dawson's friend cancelled that we were going to have a family afternoon and he could come play another day. He looked so sad. He left and started to walk back home. I felt like I wanted to cry.

I told Colton to go get him immediately and all of the boys have been playing great even since. It's a fine line for me because I want my kids to have the best influences possible, but I also think that they need to have a big heart for those without. Sure he has a big house and more tangible things than my boys, but the one thing he is missing, the attention from his parents, is so much bigger. I am glad my heart is getting softer towards him and hope that this can be a place where he is encouraged.