The Disneyland Trip That Wasn't

A couple of years ago we went to Disneyland the week before Christmas and fell in love. Every year since we have gone back. Of course, every year we say we won't do it the next year, but we always cave and we do. So this year we had it planned for Dec 19th-23rd, almost the same exact days as last year. Only this year, it appears that California was going to be having one of the worst storms in 15 years at exactly the same time.

We almost didn't go. We teeter tottered back and forth for days. Finally I put something on Facebook and almost instantly had comments. "Go, have fun." "Make memories." "You only live once." So we decided to go for broke and we loaded up and headed out. When we hit about Riverside, it started to rain pretty hard. At that point it was 3:55pm and I could still cancel the hotel until 4:00pm, but for some reason, we kept driving. Once we got to the hotel, everyone we saw was not just wet, but dripping. We heard it had been really windy too and that no matter what you had on, you got wet. Yet, we proceeded to unload and check in.

When we went to dinner, we ran into another family from the Phoenix area. They had been over to Disneyland that day and actually had a 2-day pass, but they were choosing to lose their second day and just go home. The parades were cancelled, no fireworks, and a lot of the outdoor rides were shut down or kept breaking down. And the craziest part was she said it was still packed!

After dinner we went back to the hotel and begged to get out of the next two nights and they were kind enough to not make us pay any more for our mistake. We decided to make the best of the trip still and to go to the Long Beach Aquarium in the morning on our way out of town and the kids were happy with that. Things were looking up.

We got up the next morning, had a great breakfast at Mimi's and leisurely went to the aquarium. When we first left, it wasn't raining and we started to question our decision, but by lunchtime it was coming down good. When we were outside watching the Sea Lions, we were in the rain for about 20 minutes and so thankful that we were going inside to get dry. The kids enjoyed everything and we packed up to head home.

That is when the fun really began. For the first 100 miles, our topped out speed was 30mph. It was raining so hard, you could barely see and the wind was kicking up. At one point we saw a sign for the Old Spaghetti Factory and got off the freeway to grab a bite to eat only to be told that they closed from 2-5pm everyday and it was 2:41pm. Don't ask. Then we had the pleasure of following a highway patrol for 8 miles while the road crew cleared debris so the road didn't flood. At one point when we were stopped, the car next to us, who was also two cars behind the cop, decided to roll down their window and throw out all of their fast food trash. Lovely. Just when I thought I had had all the fun I could, I had a car come up behind me out of nowhere (I was already going 74 in a 70) and flash me to get out of his way. So, I graciously moved into the next lane and once he passed, proceeded to get behind him, speed up and flash my brights at him. Oops. Must have pissed him off because he slammed on his brakes and wouldn't move. But, after my little road rage incident, we made it home fairly quickly.

I guess it depends on how you look at our Disneyland trip that wasn't. To some it may sound like a disaster, but to us, it was just some more memories made. Sometimes, the things that make you laugh the hardest aren't the ones planned.

Big Changes

Monday I am going to face some big changes. On Monday, after 9 years and 4 months of being a stay-at-home mom, I am going back to work. I have been fortunate enough to get a part time job at the boys school to help kids that are behind in reading skills. Although I have my degree hanging on the wall right above me, I feel so unprepared. I was so nervous during my interview that I actually got an upset stomach. Analyzing my closet has been interesting too...I found that I either have "mom" clothes or "wedding/funeral" clothes. I have done some shopping though, so I think I am good now.

In some ways, I feel like not much will change. I am already at the school 20-25 hours a week volunteering, so now I will just be paid for 17 of them. I know all of the staff and get along with them. My boys are excited too which is nice. But, I am already having to miss my first field trip at the end of the month. Last week, I had to drop the boys off at a friends at 7:15am so I could go to training. And this Friday, the boys are off school and I am in training all day. Overall, I know it is going to be great. It gets my foot in the door if I ever want to go back to an actual career, it brings in a little extra money and it gives me a feeling of purpose. And the schedule works out so that James and I can still catch a movie or grab lunch once or twice a week. It is just weird to think I am going back to work!

Now He Believes

I think getting Dawson to lose his first tooth has actually been more difficult than giving birth. He has been terrified for a good five weeks since it first became wiggly. We have tried everything to convince him how great it would be: we told him about the tooth fairy, we told him about the money, we promised him ice cream and candy and anything else he loves. Nope, he wasn't going to have it. He said he didn't care about the tooth fairy and that she could keep her money. He just wanted to not eat, not brush and wait for it to "get stuck" again.

Well, last night was finally the night. I went to brush his teeth and it was literally laying sideways. I brushed against it and it fell into his mouth. All of a sudden, "Wow, that didn't hurt at all!'' "Look, it's not even bleeding." "Aren't I brave?!" It was like I had a different child in front of me. Then this morning he wakes up and comes running out of his room with the money from the tooth fairy and exclaims, "Now, I really do believe!"

Let's see how true that is when the next tooth starts to wiggle. :)

Mother of the Year in Waiting

In the nine years that I have been a mother, there are many times where I have done something that I thought was worthy of the "Mother of the Year" award. This morning I am pretty sure I solidified my spot and am hoping to never have anything that tops this moment.

Colton had a cross country meet at my old high school. Each week the running order has been 7th/8th grade running first, 5th/6th running second, and 4th grade running last. Usually it is the girls running first too, but for some reason they decided to run the boys first this week. Still, I didn't see any reason to rush to get there at 7:15 when the meet didn't start until 8:00 and Colton most likely wouldn't run until after 9:00. So, we left about 7:30, in no hurry at all, for the race.

At 7:58, I was 1/2 mile away and I got a phone call from one of the other parents asking where I was because they decided to switch the order, the 4th grade boys were running first and she was holding the start for us. I flew into the parking lot and told Colton to jump out and go. And the downhill spiral started. When he got out of the car, his shoe got stuck. He even said, "Mom, my shoe," to which I replied, "Whatever it is, it is fine. Just go!" When he stepped out with his other foot, I assumed (yes ASS U ME) that he was out and started to roll forward. That was when I saw him drop to the ground and heard him scream, "Mom, my foot!" Oh yes, I ran over his ankle with the car. I immediately got out and checked him. By the grace of God it was only black from the tire and it bruised up nicely later, but nothing was broken.

Now, the blame is definitely on me here, but there are three things that could have changed how this went.
#1) Communication between the schools. We are a multiple kid, multiple sport family, so knowing actual times is helpful.
#2) We have three vehicles...my van, James' jeep and the 1996 Corolla. If I had been in the van or the jeep, first of all the tire is at least 18" behind the door as opposed to the 2" for the Corolla and they are both automatic instead of manual so I more than likely would have had it in park instead of neutral.
#3) If I could be less stressed about my kids missing something. He had already missed a meet this year for being sick and so I didn't want him to miss another. BUT, in the grand scheme of things, it would have never mattered five years from now. It's not like he had a college scholarship riding on his run. I need to remember that if I am calm, my entire house is usually calm too.

After all the drama, I parked the car and we walked over to the starting line where ironically they still hadn't started the race yet. Colton decided he wanted to run and even with a sore ankle he got 41st place. Not too shabby. And now, there will be no "jumping" out of the cars for this household anymore. Gotta go wait for my phone call now.

Questions

I have so many questions about life. Sometimes I feel like I am on auto pilot like when you drive home and have no idea how you got there. Only, I wake up some days and have no idea how I got to where I am in my life.

How is Christmas only 9 weeks away?

How am I having parent-teacher conferences for my 1st and 4th grader?

How have I not worked for over 9 years?

How can I have my baby say, "for my 7th birthday...?"

How come I can't keep up with a blog or remember the funny stories when I have time to write them down?

Why do I constantly feel as though I am taking my loved ones for granted as if I will have forever to get to do things with them?

Why is it I can sleep 8+ hours and still feel tired?

What, oh what, possesed me to get a puppy?

What is so hard about actually eating healthy and exercising simultaneously for more than a week?

Can I get an extra hour added to each day?

Is it always going to be like this?

Time in a Bottle

This morning I am singing Jim Croce songs in my head. If I could save time in a bottle... Wouldn't we all like to do that? Time is getting away from me. Life is getting away from me. The boys are starting their 6th week of school already tomorrow. It is hard to believe it, but I know I am going to blink and Christmas will be here.

Dawson is doing fabulous in first grade. Actually so much better than I expected. I knew we had a terrific teacher when she was Colton's, but each kid is different, so I was a little worried, but she has not disappointed. The other day the principal even told me he couldn't believe how awesome he was doing when he popped into class for something. He is really starting to want to read and is trying to sound things out everywhere. Yesterday we went to the movies and in the middle of it, he turned to the sign and goes e x i t...exit. It reminds me of when Colton learned to read and we pulled into Fry's and as we were walking up he goes, "Fry's Food and DRUG! Mom, we can't shop here, it has drugs." So in the parking lot we had the illegal drugs vs. over the counter and prescription talk. It was funny. This year I feel like I don't have as many funny stories for Dawson, but I know they are there. The other day, someone reminded me about the bloody nose story from last year. As his class was walking to lunch, a kid in the hall was trying to stop his bloody nose. Dawson passed by, leaned over and said, "you have to stop picking your nose before it starts to bleed." Words of wisdom there. This year he is doing his regular things like telling the teacher he doesn't want her sticker when she asks him to read the sight words for the week. He's not shy. He knows what will work as a bribe and what won't.

Colton's year isn't going quite as well, but it's not bad either. He got a very interesting class which is making it hard. I was in between a couple of teachers and I knew one was going to be better academically and one was going to be better for his heart. I went with the one who was more mothering and there have been days I have been so thankful for her, but sometimes I wish he was challenged a little bit more. I have faith it will all work out though. He is on the cross country team and loving it. They practice every morning at 6:15am and so far it hasn't bothered him one bit. Tomorrow night he starts soccer too and while I will be exhausted, I am sure he will be in heaven just running around.

James went on his coveted antelope hunt and was successful. It is hard to believe he was drawn the first year he put in and got his antelope on opening morning. I was so happy for him. It was funny when it was all done, he got depressed the same way he does on Christmas night. There is so much prep and hype that when it is all over, he is bummed.

Liberty is still alive. She has eaten money, destroyed a new roll of paper towels so that it looked like it snowed, dug more holes to China than I can count, kept me up in the middle of the night, cost me more than a Disneyland trip and yet she is still here. The boys love her. Truth be told, I do too. I think she is going to be an awesome family dog when she is done being a puppy.

Life just passes by and I feel like each day, I take for granted the moments and the memories. Dawson got his first character cash, Colton ran a mile in 8 minutes 40 seconds, Liberty lost her baby teeth. In 6 months, I won't remember that. But they are the very moments that make my life what it is. The very moments I am so thankful for. If only I could save time in a bottle.

Softer

Growing up, my family always thought I was the one with the hard heart. I never thought I had a hard heart per say as much as I was just a very black and white person. I try not to be judgmental, especially since I can empathize with some situations that are hard. As I grew in my teenage years and especially once I had my own children, I started to see all the many shades of gray.

School started for my boys 3 weeks ago and I saw my old self sneak back in. There was a new boy in Colton's class. He lives two blocks away and the day they met, they clicked. However, he isn't the type of boy I necessarily want influencing my kids. From what I have heard, his parents had a lot and like so many others lost most of it in the recession. The first time we had him over, I was appalled and frustrated. He wasn't using four letter words, but he was talking ugly, using many words we don't in this house. When I mentioned that we didn't talk like that, he increased the amount of words he could fit into one sentence. He also spent the entire 2 hours doing nothing but putting down my child and everything he had and telling him how everything he had was better. Although I knew in my heart that that was a learned behavior, especially at that age, I got all mama bear and wanted to defend my kids.

I told Colton that I wanted him to play with this boy at school, but also to make sure to make and keep other friends. I talked to the teacher and encouraged her to keep them apart. But every day, he was all Colton talked about. About a week in to school, I heard that he came to school with all of his clothes on inside out. Not because he wanted to, but because nobody had washed any of his clothes and they were too dirty to wear. That is when my heart broke. No child should have to go through that, but especially not a kid living with mom, dad and grandpa in a 2500 square foot house. This boy was obnoxious because he was desperately seeking attention.

A couple days later, I let him come over again. I told the boys is was only for an hour and it went well. He was a different kid than the first time. He was respectful and didn't use any of the language I don't like. He was kind to and included Dawson. He was just happy to play. Then today, Dawson was supposed to have a friend over after school and I told Colton he could have this boy over. About an hour before, Dawson's friend called to cancel. Before we even had a chance to call Colton's friend, he was at our door. He had come over 45 minutes early which annoyed me a little. I politely told him that since Dawson's friend cancelled that we were going to have a family afternoon and he could come play another day. He looked so sad. He left and started to walk back home. I felt like I wanted to cry.

I told Colton to go get him immediately and all of the boys have been playing great even since. It's a fine line for me because I want my kids to have the best influences possible, but I also think that they need to have a big heart for those without. Sure he has a big house and more tangible things than my boys, but the one thing he is missing, the attention from his parents, is so much bigger. I am glad my heart is getting softer towards him and hope that this can be a place where he is encouraged.

Just Two Little Letters

I am overwhelmed. I am stressed. I am tired. And I did it all to myself.

I have this inability to say no and I don't know why. Sometimes I feel bad. Sometimes I actually think I can or want to do it. Sometimes my kids are asking. Sometimes I am just stupid.

School starts back up in 5 days. This week I agreed to help 3 half days in the copy room. Not bad, helping them, yet still having time with my kids. But then the church called and needed help with a cutting project. Sure, I can do it, I have my nights when James is on shift. And then the PTSO came up with this great back to school project for the teachers and I spent 15 hours getting it together. And then the kids want to squeeze in one last play date before school starts. And then the dog goes and gets an unexpected $200 UTI.

And at the end of my day, I am at the end of my rope. And while I am hanging, just for good measure, I have forget to say no to stress eating and the red vines that were staring at me today in the copy room and the dollar scoop night at Baskin Robbins last night. I swear.

I get so frustrated. With myself. With the people who take advantage. With my hubby for not putting his foot down and knocking some sense into me. Seriously, even if I made $8 an hour for the time I volunteer, just school alone would have been $8,000 and could have paid for my new A/C unit that is financed.

I don't know which is easier at this point; accepting that I am an idiot with the inability to say two little letters and just resign to being stressed or actually start saying no and deal with the guilt and the worry that nobody will do it (even though I know eventually somebody would or it just wouldn't get done and that would be how it was.)

Ugh! Sometimes my personality just irks me!

Letting Go and Trusting God

A couple of years ago, you could have thrown almost anything my way and I would have known how to deal with it. I would have prayed about it, let it go and trusted God to help me through it. I have noticed that over the course of the past year I am having a harder time truly letting go. I will have my moments where I think I am, but will quickly realize that I am still trying to control the situation.

This morning I looked at my daily K-Love email and it was John 14:1, "Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me." I am pretty sure that I am being spoken to. I am also sure that I need to and want to listen.

So...I am letting go and trusting God with my children. I think this is the hardest area for me to release. I know they are mine on loan, but for some reason I feel like I know what they need best. I am ready to accept that I don't. That things may happen in their life that I would have never thought would be good and they may not be, but there may be a valuable lesson behind it that shouldn't be missed. I am ready (again) to let God be in control of their lives instead of me.

There is a video I saw about a puppy who was being trained to be a service dog and because of her natural instincts had to be released from the program. Her owner had two options. One was to adopt her out to a good family which is what happens 99% of the time. The other was to keep her. She chose to keep her and not just that, she found that she could surf and now this dog raises thousands of dollars every year for disabled people. Instead of just touching one life, she touches many and it is only because her owner/trainer was willing to give her a chance to grow. My favorite line in the video is, "when I stopped trying to make her who I thought she should be and just let her be, she flourished." That is what I want for my boys. I want to just let them be, be who they are supposed to be, who God wants them to be, and to be thankful and proud of who they are.

What I have realized in the past couple of days is that what is bothering me the most is knowing where my relationship with God has been and where it is now. Six years ago, I depended on him for everything. Dawson's health. James' job. It all rested in His hands. And I was not only comfortable with that, but comforted by it. Then four years ago, when I felt I wasn't as close to Him, I prayed for that back. Shortly after, Dawson was diagnosed and I became fully dependent on Him yet again.

Now, without wanting the struggles, I find myself craving that relationship again. And while I am praying that it doesn't take something big like it did four years ago to get that back, I am accepting that it might and am ready to stop trying to control every aspect of my life so that it can't happen if it needs to. I am ready to let go and trust. And for the first time in a long time, instead of an overwhelming fear accompanying that, there is a peace and that is what I have been looking for.

9 Grown, 9 To Go

Today is Colton's birthday. I cannot believe it has been nine years since he came into my life! I also can't believe that in another nine years he will be an adult. This is the halfway mark and it makes me think. Have I taught him enough? What will he remember? Has there been more good than bad?

With so much on my mind, the one thing that sticks out was the day he was born. James and I went to dinner the night before and since I couldn't sleep, I made him stay up with me until 2am when we finally decided to go tot the hospital. I had been scheduled to be induced at 4pm on July 13th, but in Colton fashion, he came on his own at 12:07pm.

He has brought me so much joy. He is the most caring, compassionate, old-soul I have ever met. He sticks up for his friends, puts his dad on a pedestal and treats me like a queen. Even on his worst days of back talking or being disobedient, it always ends with an apology and a hug.

He loves sports! He doesn't even care which sport it is. As long as he is moving and has something to commentate on, he is on top of the world. He is so patient with Dawson and although he is reaching the age in which a little brother is no longer cool, he really loves him.

He has the biggest smile and since he got his braces off three days ago, it is even bigger. He has a heart of gold. He will be a fantastic husband and father someday.

He is nine years old today. He is growing fast. And he is loved more and more each day!

Backtracking

I have finally decided to put pictures on my blog. I haven't done it before because of all the crazy stories I have heard, but I realized that for some of my stories to have meaning, the picture needs to be behind it. So, I am slowly going to be backtracking and adding pictures to my previous posts.

While I was getting ready to do this, I was reading some of my posts. It is amazing how much I forget so quickly. I am so glad I wrote down some of the funniest stories and moments and some of the achievements I have made. One of those was losing 15 pounds before going to Hawaii in March. I even kept it off when we came home. But, on this last vacation, I gained a little and then as soon as Liberty came home I gained some more. I eat most when I am tired and stressed and nothing has does that more than a new puppy. So, tonight I made a promise to myself to get the extra weight back off and even keep going towards my goal of ten additional pounds after that.

Sometimes I hate looking back. There are mistakes and regrets. But there is also laughter and happiness. And sometimes it just renews your perspective and gets you going again.

Sweet Liberty

The Fourth of July is about freedom and independence. Two things I have not had much of since bringing home sweet Liberty eight days ago. Liberty is our brand new, now seven week old, puppy. She is an adorable yellow lab which is working in her benefit right now. She has been long awaited by my boys and while I think that she will be awesome in the long run, I have noticed a couple of things about raising a puppy.


-Their sleep schedule is just as messed up as a newborn baby.

-When they decide they are hungry, they are hungry...not in ten minutes when the food has had a chance to soften, but now....which is why the book probably told me to prepare it early and have it on stand by.

-They are used to playing with, and biting, their litter mates. There is no regard as to whether it is a toy or an arm, they bite it.

-Their teeth are SHARP! Not cute sharp, but like little razors blades scaring me one day at a time.

-Unlike bringing home a new baby that hangs out in a bassinet for at least a couple of weeks, it is more like bringing home a toddler. Sure she sleeps a lot still, but when it is time to play, it is like a tornado blowing through the house.

On a positive note, she is very smart. In one week, she is already almost housebroken. She is learning to sit and to shake, although I think she is annoyed with this because when we tell her to sit, she does and then she waves her paw in the air as if to say, "I am shaking too. Any other tricks you want?" She is doing great in her crate. The boys and I actually left her today for three house to see a movie and she did good. She sleeps four hours straight and only gets up one time a night to go out. She is actually making my kids more responsible and less selfish, although that is a work in progress.

I am happy we took the plunge. I do think it will be great for the boys to grow up with her. Now I am just praying she will be the dog we have always hoped for. And #73 if officially off the to-do list.

Family Vacation, Road Trip Style - Part 2

Leaving Fairfield, I put everyone in nice outfits. On the way to Tahoe there is this beautiful river and I desperately wanted a great family picture. So, everyone was dressed, not allowed to eat or touch anything and we were on our way. When we pulled off the road, I didn't remember the mountain being quite as steep. I talked my kids into climbing down, which was hard to convince Colton, and just kept reassuring them that they would be fine. Then, in my flip flop, I took a step. Just one, because then I rolled the rest of the way down the hill. I was fortunate enough to only break my flip flop in the process and to have a hubby awesome enough to take pictures of me on the way down for my memories.

We did get a picture at the bottom. Not exactly like the one I had hoped for, but it's a picture.

The next day we rented a boat. We have been to Lake Tahoe three times and never wanted to spend the money, but this year we decided to go for it. It was a really neat experience. All of the things that we see year after year from bike rides and hikes were all at a different perspective. And the boys loved driving the boat. Their favorite part though was when James forgot to turn his hat around and got the boat up to 40mph and it went flying off into the lake. They used the hook and on the second time around, got his hat out of the lake.

The rest of Tahoe was relaxing and fun. We rented bikes, we took hikes, we played goofy golf, and we swam a lot. It is so beautiful there. You can really see God's artwork as you watch the sun set over the lake. Of all the places I have traveled, I am pretty sure it is one of my favorite. It ranks right up there with Disneyland for all the complete opposite reasons. :)

On our way home from Lake Tahoe we decided to go to Carlsbad for a couple of days. About two years ago we had some friends move close to the Anaheim area so we planned to meet up with them for dinner on the way down. Well, it was a Friday and we hit the outer edge of Los Angeles at 4:00pm. We only had 38 miles to get to their house. We were hoping. We were praying. We were moving a 2mph. In two hours we moved a grand total of eight miles. I could have walked it faster! Once we got there it was great though. The kids played like they had seen each other the day before and it was great to visit with John and Tina.

In Carlsbad the only thing on our agenda was the beach and we accomplished it. The weather was perfect. The sand felt so good under my feet. The waves were gorgeous and even though we ended up going farther out than planned and getting soaked in regular clothes, it was a treat to play in the ocean.

Overall, it was a great vacation. 2100+ miles in 11 days. We still liked each other when we got home. Nobody got hurt. All nine loads of laundry are done. Pictures turned out fairly well. I really do love my family and I am fortunate to have the experiences with them that I do.

Family Vacation, Road Trip Style - Part 1

The past 3 years we have been going on a road trip for our family vacation. Every year we end up in Lake Tahoe, but where we stop on the way there and back changes every year. So far, we are three days in and as always, the memories are great.

The first day we were super ambitious and bit off 764 miles. We actually made it in 12 hours and 45 minutes, but by the 10 hour mark, everyone had lost it. At one point, we stopped and I asked everyone if they wanted a drink. Nobody did, so we were on our way. Of course, 30 minutes later, James asks me how buried the waters are and if he could reach it. Since they were packed under 3 duffel bags, sand toys, shoes and all sorts of other junk, I told him probably not but that I could stop. He told me to keep going, so as we start passing all these dry fields on the way to Napa, there are signs that say, "congress created dust bowl" and "water crisis" to which my dear hubby replies, "yeah, no kidding." I immediately pulled over on the side of the freeway and he got his stinkin' water! :) It was all giggles from there.

The next day we went to the Jelly Belly Factory for a tour. It was pretty basic and we actually got three whole jelly beans to sample before buying another $17 worth. On our way to leave, we noticed that the Budweiser plant next door had tours too. We felt a little weird since we had the kids with us and it was 10am, but we went for it anyways. Man, do they know how to put on a tour. Free pretzles, soda for the kids and three 8 oz beers for James. Since there were five other families, we let our feelings of being bad parents fade quickly, but drinking at 10am wasn't helping too much. When we left there, we went to Walmart to get the boys some water balls for the pool and ended up eating lunch at the McDonald's in Walmart. Oh yeah, now we were officially white trash.

We went to play laser tag and goofy golf all afternoon. It was pretty warm out and must have taken it out of Dawson because when we went to the grocery store to get food, we look down and there he is, sitting on the bottom shelf of the bread aisle. The bottom shelf where bread is kept! When he got up, seven loaves had a butt imprint on them. He also tried to sit on the wine display and a stack of t-shirts that we being sold. There are some days that I just want to ask, "who's kid is that?!"

Today we took the ferry from Vallejo to San Francisco. Sometimes James and I come up with great plans and they just fall apart. Right now Dawson is into anything related to the ocean, so since last year we went to the Monterey Aquarium, we thought this year we would try the Aquarium by the Bay on Pier 39. Well, it is by the Bay and it is two whole underground tunnels long. And that is it. And we got in for the bargain price of $39.95 and were done in 35 minutes. Since we had 5 hours to kill before the ferry went back, we wandered around, ate lunch at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., which was fun, and ended up walking through the aquarium three more times. All in all it was a fun day and memories were made.

Tomorrow we head to Tahoe. But right now, we are off to the hotel pool. Didn't you know if you are a kid, that is the best part of a vacation? :)

6 years ago...

Six years ago, I was up in the middle of the night because at 4:54am, Dawson came into the world. The weeks leading up to that were chaotic with doctors and bed rest and hospital stays and juggling poor Colton around, but it was always exciting. And, it has been exciting ever since.

Dawson is the only person I know that can bring me to my knees daily. Sometimes out of frustration, sometimes out of laughter. He is so much like me and gives me a run for my money. He can reason his way through any situation and when something makes sense to him, he will argue his point endlessly. He has THE best one liners and doesn't even realize how funny he is.

He is so sweet. He loves to cuddle. He wants a back rub every night. And any time he is sitting by you for that matter. He is uninhibited and not scared. He has not conformed to the ways of the world and goes to the beat of his own drum. He is special.

He runs into poles that leave permanent bumps on his head. He puts Pix-O's in his ears that require surgery. He still wants to wear floaties even though he can swim. When he complains and I call him on it, he says, "I am not complaining, I am just saying it in a whiny voice." He is Dawson through and through.

Six years ago, my life was forever changed. I cannot imagine what it would have been without him. My baby is six years old!! Oh, how the time flies!

So Much To Write, So Little Time

The only reason I have this blog is so that I can have memories. So many things happen each and every day and they just get stored away until we forget. I love retracing my steps and remembering some of the moments I have written about. The problem now is that I can't remember to blog. So much has happened in the last couple of weeks and I am sure 90% of it has already fallen out of my brain already!

The biggest moments happened the day school got out. My baby, my almost 9 year old baby is going to be a 4th grader. I have no idea how that is possible, especially because I remember 4th grade like it was yesterday. And then, my other baby went and graduated kindergarten. Seriously, I was a wreck. At least I knew what songs to expect, so I was able to keep it together a little, but seriously, how can this be happening? I am so excited about this stage in their lives. Watching them grow is amazing and I am usually filled with as much joy and pride as frustration, but it is because they are growing and figuring out their paths in life and I am so lucky to be able to take the journey with them.

Not even three days after school got out, I got bored. My boys were bored on the first day, but I waited until the third. The problem is that when I get bored, it usually results in me overcomitting myself either with my time or my finances. Well, this time I decided to do them both. The kids have been asking for a dog for a couple of years now. At Christmas we told them we would consider getting one after we got back from Hawaii. Well, on May 23rd, I more than accomplished goal #73 on my list when we went and picked out a 10 day old yellow lab. I have to say, she is one of the cutest things I have ever seen. We don't bring her home until the beginning of July and while I have been preparing myself for chewed couches, potty accidents, sleepless nights and all the other inconveniences that a puppy can bring, I am actually really excited about the long term benefits for my boys with having a dog.

Now, on to the stories. I am sure I am forgetting so many, but at least I am getting these down. About a week ago, the boys and I met the Wood girls to play softball. I am not good, nor do I claim to be good, so 11 pitches later, I finally hit the ball. Fast forward a couple of days. On the news is a story about a lady who was 87 and accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake running over a lady in a parking lot. The article said their was no impairment to which I commented, "except her age." Colton asked what impairment meant and what I meant and James explained to him that when you get old, you get slower and lose your reflexes and coordination. To which Colton replied, "like mom when we played softball?" Isn't that sweet? This is the same kid that asked me if I was going to join the Biggest Loser for my next diet and I had to explain to him that I only had 10-15 pounds to lose and that show was for people who had hundreds of pounds to lose. I think we need to work on his tact. :)

Then there is Dawson, my dear little exhibitionist. We had some friends over to play on the water slide and as they were walking into the bathroom to change, he barges past them, drops his drawers and uses the bathroom without skipping a beat. Did I mention our friends are 9 and 11 year old girls? So we have the talk with him about changing and using the restroom in private. About an hour later, the kids come in and the girls are getting ready to go into the bathroom to change. Even though I looked Dawson directly in the eye before he came in and told him to go into my room to change, he decided to do his own thing. He had gone into the bathroom and taken off his trunks, only he didn't have any clothes in there, so butt naked he opens the doors, says HI to the girls and takes off streaking down the hall. And then poor Caity goes, "Oh my!" I laughed so hard.

I wish I could remember more and that I had more time to sit here and rack my brain, but I am thankful for the couple memories I got out. :)

Family Camping and More

When I met James 14 years ago, one of the first things I learned about him was that his family liked to go camping. This weekend we went on our annual family camping trip. They have been going to the same place since 1973! Once I get past the fact that it is a 4 hour drive each way and it means spending 36 straight hours with all of my in-laws, I actually tend to enjoy myself.

It is fun to watch the kids grow and remember the hikes and to hear some of the stories of what James did when he was a kid. It was extremely entertaining this time to watch Brian's dog Alpine dig from here to China trying to get all the little animals buried under the ground. It was even cute to watch Dawson carry around grubs that he dug up from the ground like they were his pet. (Of course I made him wash his hands twice before I would touch him, but it was cute to watch.)

When we come home from camping, we usually go out to dinner because everything is a mess and I am too tired to cook. So, tonight we headed out to dinner. When we pulled in the parking lot, the first thing my son noticed was the sticker of the silhouette of the naked woman on the car next to us. Then when we get out of the car, the truck next to us was blaring, "Porn Star" during the chorus. James and I just looked at each other. After dinner we managed to get behind two drivers in the middle of a road rage moment and Colton asked why they were yelling and waving their middle fingers at each other. So lovely.

The moral of the story for me is, although I may dread the family camping trips sometimes there are things to be learned.
1) Spend time with family when you can because you never know when it will be the last trip.
2) Let boys be boys. Get dirty, get messy and have fun.
3) Living in the woods may not be so bad...it would help me avoid having to explain a LOT!

Mother's Day Surprises

This Mother's Day has been filled with surprises. Not the typical surprises like breakfast in bed or cards and flowers. Surprises like stomach bugs overtaking my house and my life.

We didn't have a lot planned today. One of the greatest gifts to me is to be able to just take a day off from everything. James was going to get bagels for breakfast on his way home from shift, we were going to watch movies, make a yummy dinner at home and just enjoy the day.

Instead, I got a phone call from him at 7am letting me know there would be no bagels. He got the bug and was on his way home and headed straight for bed. Not only was my day changed, but all of my not-so-favorite things became a part of it like dishes, laundry, and decontaminating the house (for the fourth time!)

This isn't exactly how I would choose to spend my Mother's Day, or any other day for that matter, but it does reinforce what is important. Mother's Day is not about all the hype. I am blessed to be a mother. I am lucky to have kids with hurts and illnesses to help and to love and to be loved by. There are many women in this world who would give anything to take care of kids with the flu if it just meant they got to have kids. I am lucky to have a husband to take care of (and that takes care of me) and to know I am not alone. I am lucky that my biggest health concern at this point is a little stomach bug that has inconvenienced me for a week. I am lucky that my mom is still around and that she is so involved in my life. I am blessed. And although this day looks nothing like I thought it might, it is a good day.

Another One Bites The Dust

I am frustrated today and I am going to whine about it. Sunday night we went to our small group barbecue and everyone was feeling great and doing fabulous. Then, I woke up in the middle of the night sicker than a dog to my stomach. I thought it was food poisoning. I hoped it was food poisoning. I called a couple of the other families and no one was sick. Was that good or bad? I wasn't sure. I was down for the count for a couple of days, but everyone else seemed to be hanging in there.

Wednesday James went back on shift. Did I forget to mention he was on shift the night I got sick too? The good stuff only happens when he is gone. Anyways, I took the boys to football practice. Everyone was feeling great and doing good. I was even starting to have a little life come back. We went for dinner afterwards, showered and were off to sleep. Until 3:30am when Colton came in my room and then ran for the bathroom. Now he was sick. I wasn't sure if he had gotten it from me since it had been three days or if it may have come from another kid in his class that had left throwing up that day. All I knew was that I was back to bleaching the house and disliking my hubby's job at that particular moment.

I decided at that point, that he was just going to stay home Thursday and Friday from school to make sure he got better. Thursday night things were starting to look up for him. I was looking forward to trying to get a solid nights sleep and was super excited about going to Muffins for Mom with Dawson the next day. And then 2:30am came. And Dawson had his head in the toilet. Another one down. Seriously?

I was so upset. I was sad for him and Colton. No one likes to be sick. I was frustrated and I couldn't believe that it was going through the entire house. But overall, I was having a pity party for myself. I missed Muffins for Mom. This was my last Muffins for Mom. My baby is done with kindergarten and moving on. That in itself is emotional, but to miss the little moments along the way is just plain heartbreaking for me. Only having two boys means only having two shots. The first one is so special because it's the first and the last one is precious because it's the last.

When everyone is better, we are going to have our own Muffins for Mom and Dawson's teacher is so sweet that she said if I come into class on Monday they will sing for me one on one. Right now, I am just praying that since James has been lucky enough to be at work for most of the fun that he will also be lucky enough to escape this oh so fun stomach bug as well.

Dear Laundry

Dear Laundry,
I strongly dislike you. While I am thankful that you are around to keep us warm at times and make us look cute at others, I really can't stand you. Almost every time you are around, I consider joining a nudest colony. I don't understand why you find it necessary to hide one little sock under the couch until I am completely caught up, almost as if you want to make sure I never run out of you.

I will never understand why you need attention every single day either. And if I happen to forget you or choose to ignore you, then you decide to ruin an entire day where all I can do is spend time with you. Is there nothing else you can do with your time than sit around and just wait for me?

I know that some of my friends actually like you and get a sense of accomplishment from spending time with you, but I don't. I wish you would visit their homes more and mine less, but because that most likely won't happen, we need to find some sort of middle ground. I will try to acknowledge you more, but please stop playing your tricks.

Until the dryer buzzer goes off,
Me

Dit

Today when I went to get the kids from school, Dawson's teacher stopped to tell me about the day. I guess the kids were supposed to take letter blocks and make a word and then color a picture about it. Well Dawson made the word DIT.

Since it needed to be a real word, his teacher asked him if he thought that was a word. He said he did of course. So she told him, "Ok, then color me a picture to show what it is." He grabbed a black crayon and colored the entire paper black. When his teacher came back, she asked him what was going on. His reply was, "This is my picture of DIT. It is a Spanish word. It means really dark."

I have to give the kid credit. He very rarely stays on task at school and follows the actual directions, but he sure is creative when he wants to do things his own way. I just wonder how much longer his teachers will find it humorous.

On the other hand, I have my dear Colton whose dear teacher texted me Friday to say we needed to talk. To back track a little, on Thursday night I told Colton to do a pracitce spelling test to which he replied, "Mom, I'm good. I've got the words."

The first word on Friday's spelling test was 'probable.' Well I guess my son didn't "have it" because his teacher said someone in class piped up and said, "No fair, Colton is copying it off his list." Oh yes, my child pulled out his spelling list and started to copy the word.

Teacher: "Colton, you can't do that. That is cheating."
Colton: "Well I couldn't remember how to spell the word."
Teacher: "Then you need to study more." (ya think?!)
Colton: "So let me guess. You're gonna mark this one wrong?"

Seriously! This is not made up. This is my every day dealings with my children. Oh, the laugh lines are getting deep.

On a Roll...#77 check!

This Spring Break has been great! As my kids get older, I find myself looking forward to their days off school. Instead of diaper bags and juggling nap time, they can go hours without food and carry on some pretty funny conversations with me. I actually think I would like to freeze this time in their lives before they get to the point where they are too cool to hang out with mom.

Since I already checked off the Renaissance Festival last weekend, I looked at my list again and decided to take the family ice skating today. It was so much fun! Of course when we first got on the ice, both boys said they were scared and Colton kept saying, "I can't do it." But they did it. Within 20 minutes, they were both skating on their own around the rink.

Colton stayed cautious and was frustrated the couple times he did fall. Dawson, on the other hand, thought falling was funny and skated the entire time looking like he was going to fall, making noises like he was going to fall, yet staying up most of the time. James even was enjoying it by the end, once he remembered how to skate.

After ice skating, we had a fun lunch at Johnny Rockets and it was just a good day. As James and I get ready to leave in 36 hours, I can't help but think about the what-ifs while we are gone. But, one thing is for sure. We made the most of our spring break. We made some great family memories. And, I am looking forward to this summer when the boys are out of school and we can make some more.

10 Years Ago

Ten years ago, I had no idea what my life would hold. I was young, in love and living in the moment. There were no worries, lots of sleeping in and Sunday breakfasts out reading the paper from front to back. There was spontaneity, rash decisions, and plenty of money.

Looking back over the past ten years there has been tears, heartache, pain, worry, financial concerns, sleepless nights, job changes, and children (need I say more.)

BUT, there has also been laughter...so much laughter, happiness, lots of vacations, joy, pride, cuddle time on the couch, family movie nights, dog piles, dancing in the kitchen, and more laughter.

I could have never planned out any of the past ten years. Most of it happened by circumstance rather than choice. But, as the circumstances have happened, what we have chose it to find the positive and keep going. We are a stronger couple and a better couple than we were ten years ago. And, although I would like to plan the next ten years, I think I am okay with just sitting back and seeing where we go.

#68 is checked off the list

Today we went to the Renaissance Festival. I have never been, which is why it made my list of things to do. I don't really know what I was expecting it to be. I guess I thought of men in kilts and women pouring out of their tops and it was definitely that, but it was more than that too.

When I first brought it up to James, he was not thrilled. I am sure he could have come up with a million things to do that did not include and hour and a half drive across town, dropping $100 and the unknown. But, because I am married to an awesome guy, he agreed to go.

Once we made it through the traffic (the last 15 minutes made me want to poke my eyes out) everything else went smoothly. We saw a juggling show, a jousting show, and a hypnotist along with lots of other things. Some of the things we saw that we weren't anticipating was five lesbian couples and a 6'2" cross-dresser. We saw a guy wearing a shirt that said, "Please tell your boobs to stop looking at my eyes" too which was pretty funny.

The humor was a little crude in the shows and I worried a couple of times about what my kids were hearing and seeing, but overall it was a successful day. The food was yummy and if I wasn't leaving for Hawaii in 8 days, I probably would have tried even more. The boys loved it. Colton asked within the first hour if we could go again next year. Overall, I am glad I went and that I get to check another "outside the box" thing off my list. Huzzah!

Kaboom!

We have a crazy life and because of that we haven't taken the plunge into having a dog or any other 'real' pet. What we do have is a fish tank with 3 fish and a frog in it. Today I was on the phone with a friend when Colton came running in to tell me that Dawson fed the frog for the second time today and that he fed him too much. I nicely told Dawson that that wasn't a good idea and not to do it again. Of course he asked "Why?"

Me: "Because the frog can eat to much and die."
Dawson: "You mean he will explode?"
Colton: "Yep, Dawson. He will explode."
Dawson: "Then what about the fish?"
Me: "They will probably die too."

At this point he is quiet, making a couple "hmm" noises. I am thinking that we are getting through. And then he pipes up and says, "Kaboom!"

I love that he is so concerned about animals. :)

Ewww, love

Today, Dawson had speech and his therapist asked him who he loved. The conversation was funny to say the least.

ST: "Who do you love?"
Dawson: "Ewww. I don't love anyone!."
ST: "Don't you love your mom, dad and Colton?"
Dawson: "No, I like them a lot, but love is gross."
ST: "Wouldn't you miss your mom and be sad if something happened."
Dawson: "Yeah, I guess. Then we couldn't play any more 4 player games."

Yep, that's it. That is what I count for in the house. Being the fourth player in a 4 player game.

And, just so I don't forget...last week he was supposed to be reading his sight word book in class. He told the teacher he didn't want to do it and she told him to do it anyways. When she came back around the class to see how everyone was doing, she found Dawson not reading. Why? Because he glued his book shut. Oh yeah. My outside the box thinker showed her.

What am I going to do with this child?

On my way...

I hit some of my accomplishments today.

I have finally lost 10 pounds without depriving myself. I didn't think it would happen today either because I had the most delicious piece of birthday cake yesterday at a party, but it did. This is the happiest I have ever been losing weight. Of course, this is the longest it has ever taken for me to lose weight, but I am doing it in a way in which I hopefully won't regain it.

Typically when I decide to lose weight, I diet. I eat everything in sight the day before the diet starts. Then, I complain and am mean to my family for the first week. Then I see that I lost weight and hang on for another week. Then I decide to "reward" myself for doing so good and gain everything back in one meal and give up. That obviously was not working.

This time, I have eaten absolutely everything I have wanted. I have had chocolate covered pretzels, red velvet cake, birthday cake, chips and dip, and gone out to eat a ton of times. Nothing has changed, except for the amount of food I eat. Now instead of plowing through a 3,000 calorie meal all at once, I am taking some home for lunch the next day. But, I am still eating everything and I have been much happier this time.

The other thing that has helped with the weight coming off is that I finally have worked out at least 4 times a week for the past 2 months. That helps for two reasons. Of course, exercise burns off some of what I am eating, but it also makes it SO much easier for me to not eat the whole plate when I know I just spent 55 minutes turning shades of purple and dying as I hiked up a mountain.

I am excited. But, I am nervous too. I still have more weight that I would like to lose. And I have Hawaii in four weeks and would like to not pile it all back on in one trip.

For now though, I am not going to focus on the negatives or the what-ifs. Right now, I am crossing off goal #7 and #74 and am feeling good about it.

Hard Life Lessons

Today has been an emotional one. I started out just having a rough morning and then tonight my doorbell rang. It was the neighbor boys. Eight months ago, my neighbors took in their extended family after they lost their home. They had five kids.

It didn't take long and pretty soon all the kids got along. Colton really loved the two oldest brothers who were his age. They were outside six, if not seven, days a week for hours on end playing football and riding scooters. James and I would get upset sometimes because Colton would rather play with the boys than spend time with the family.

Yesterday, Colton and one of the neighbors both got "Character of the Month" at school. As we were getting ready to go to dinner as a family, he asked if we could invite the next door boy. I said sure and right now and so thankful for that dinner.

When I opened the door tonight, the boys told me they were moving to Texas in a hour. I couldn't believe it until I walked out and saw a small U-haul trailer behind their old beat up car. Each of the five kids only had a backpack and a small amount of clothes. No toys, no mementos. They packed a family of seven in two hours and left.

I am so frustrated with the parents. They are extremely selfish. They are moving because they were too lazy to get jobs and the family told them they had until the end of the school year. Instead, they upped and left today.

My boys have cried all night. I have cried all night. My heart breaks for those kids. I worry for those kids. And I am sad for my kids who just lost their "first best friends" as Dawson says. I keep telling Colton that it wasn't the kids choice and that sometimes parents make decisions that aren't always the best. It is a hard life lesson. He wants to write them and call and I wish he could, but for now they will be living out of their car somewhere.

Life just doesn't make sense...

Speechless

Often in life there is that one person who leaves you speechless after they say something. Sometimes it is funny, sometimes there is disbelief, sometimes you just don't know how to follow the comment. For me that is my dear Dawson.

Although he is only 5, when I repeat some of the stories to people, I always hear the comment, "you should write a book." Well, I can guarantee that is not in my future, but I do want to remember some of the things he has said. Of course, they are never as funny in print as hearing them, but I hope that when I look back, I will hear his voice saying them and smile.

The most recent happened tonight. James and I went out to a movie and the neighbor's fiance came over to watch the boys for us. When we got home she told us that when the boys were supposed to be brushing their teeth, she kept hearing Dawson scream, "it's impossible!" After a couple times, she went to see what he was talking about and turned the corner to find both of my children trying to lick their elbows. I am so proud. :)

Also, tonight my when Dawson was in the shower, we found him with shaving cream on his eyebrows getting ready to "shave" them because he said he saw me, "pulling mine out." I explained to him that only girls do that and the boys are supposed to have all of their eyebrows.

Then there was last weekend when James took me away for an overnight getaway. The boys didn't know it was coming either (he thought they'd blow the surprise) so we were a little worried about how they did. When we got home, I gave Dawson a big hug and told him how much I missed him to which he replied, "I didn't miss you." Knowing he likes dad more than me, that didn't surprise me much, but then he piped up and said, "but don't worry, I didn't miss dad either." Fabulous.

Then there is the incidents (yep, more than one) that involve my boys, scissors and their clothes. Last year, Colton cut a hole in the leg of his shorts. For no particular reason. Three weeks ago, he came home from school and had cut a slit in the leg of his shorts. I guess he is practicing restraint. Last week though, Dawson came home and had cut a hole in his jeans. Only his was a little more obvious. When I picked him up from school, all I could see were his underwear. Oh yeah, he cut a quarter size hole right in the crotch of his jeans. Then there was today. We walk in the door from school and had this conversation:

Dawson: "_____ said you can't cut shoelaces and I told him yes you could."
Me: "What are you talking about?"
Dawson: " ______ said you can't cut shoelaces and I said yes you can. Then he said 'no' and I told him uh-huh."

Right about this time, he is taking off his shoes and untying them only to hand me half of his shoelace.

Dawson: "See ______ cut my shoelace to show me they cut."

Great, now it's not even my own kids cutting their own clothes. They are letting other children in class practice their tailoring skills on them.

The best and worst part is that Dawson has no idea. He is in his own little happy world where none of this matters. He doesn't get half of what he says or does and I think that is the part that makes it even more endearing. I have had such a rough week with looking at his future and trying to decide what path is best for him to take and this just makes me sit back and smile. He is God's son. He is exactly who he is supposed to be. He leaves me speechless most days. And I wouldn't change it if I could!

Blessed with a Wonderful Husband

There are so many days that I truly take my husband for granted. This weekend he surprised me with a wonderful getaway up north for the night and arranged for the kids to be taken care of and even had friends waiting for us when we got there. It was amazing and I am so thankful for that night, but it got me thinking about how many little things he does that I don't acknowledge often enough.

-He gets up with the boys in the morning and gets them breakfast so I can have an extra 15 minutes to sleep. (As a matter of fact, he used to get them up and change them when they were babies before he brought them in to me to nurse.)

-He cleans the house all the time. I have only mopped one time in 11 years.

-He works his tail off so that I can stay home with the boys.

-He lets me have girl time any time I tell him I need it and never complains about being with the kids instead of out with the guys.

-He makes a delicious dinner and has no problem using every pot we own and then washing them when he is done.

-Above all, he is faithful, honest, caring and very funny!!

I know there are many other things he does that I am not even thinking about right now. The ones I listed are all things he has done or is doing this week alone. I am not sure what God was thinking when he crossed our paths, but I am thankful to be blessed with a wonderful husband!

I Did It!!

Oh my! I am so overwhelmed with emotion right now. I am so proud of myself. I am in such disbelief that I actually did it.

I RAN 30 MINUTES WITHOUT STOPPING!!
(this will have to work since I can't afford to sky-write it)

I cannot begin to explain what an unattainable goal this seemed like when I put it on my list. I hate exercise. I have a really bad knee. I have the poorest cardio for anyone I have ever met under 70 years old. And I had every excuse in the book to not even try it.

I started thinking it might be reachable last week when I made it 15 minutes. Then three days later I made it 20 minutes. That day though, I was back to being purple and lightheaded and thought I might need to go a little slower towards my goal. That was until this afternoon.

Yesterday, I shared my goal with a friend and told her how hard I was trying. She told me how she struggled at running also. And then today she posted on Facebook how she had just gotten home from the gym and running for 30 minutes. Wait a minute. Isn't this my goal? Anyways, maybe I needed to have a fire lit under my butt to do it, but I DID IT!

The first 15 minutes weren't bad. By 20, my head was actually so hot, I thought it was going to catch on fire. I know all the blood was rushing to it and begging it to stop, but I kept going. I even saw spots the last two minutes, but seriously, who is going to stop at 28 minutes? I know that this entire post seems like I am bragging, but for anyone who knows me, I am very negative towards myself and I am actually proud of myself for a change and it feels good!!

And since I am crossing goals off my list, I also accomplished #26. I not only learned how to use my MP3 player, it helped me achieve #51. Yeah me!

Small Accomplishments

I am changing as I get older. I am still regimented and scheduled, but I am realizing life is too short to be so legalistic. I am liking my new found approach to things. I feel more relaxed. I have slown down (although not as much as I need to.) And along the way, I am making baby steps to the bigger, long-term goals I have set.

This morning, I hit the five pound mark. I have yo-yo dieted for over 4 years. I never struggled really with weight until after I had Dawson. I don't know if it was a hormone disaster because his pregnancy was complicated or what, but man has the weight liked my butt ever since. Three and a half years ago, I weighed 30 pounds less than I did at the first of this year. I am not talking about what I weighed when I got married 10 years ago, I am talking three years ago. Before Dawson was diagnosed, before the long days of therapy, before the medic school, before my hysterectomy, before the many life changes that have taken place. All of which, I have eaten myself through.

So this time I have approached it differently. If I am craving something, I will eat it. Not the entire batch of brownies (although there was one day when I was upset and polished off a bag of chips with dip) but just enough to satisfy the craving. I notice a difference in how fast I get full. And finally today I lost five pounds. It's not a ton, it's definitely not 30, but it's something and that makes me happy.

I also am halfway to crossing a goal off my list. For some reason, probably because I am horribly out of shape, I have always wanted to be able to run. I drive down the street and see people running and I always am envious. I wished I liked to exercise. I wish my legs didn't turn to jello when I tried to run and my chest feel like a 400 pound man was sitting on it because I am so out of breath, I can't breathe.

When I started watching my diet a little better, I also decided to bite off a little of the exercise thing. I got on my treadmill and ran a whole two minutes. Yes, I said two. And I thought I was going to die. I was purple. I was sweaty. I was pathetic. But I resolved to add 30 seconds to it each time I got on and today I actually ran 15 entire minutes without stopping. Or dying. And I was only pink, not purple. It wasn't a half marathon, but it was something. And most importantly I was proud of myself. That doesn't happen very often for me. But it happened today and today I am celebrating small accomplishments.

From Bad to Worse

My New Year started out great. The boys stayed up, we had apple cider and played Monopoly until midnight, watched the ball drop and went to bed. Things were already looking good.

When we woke up, I was sitting next to Colton on the couch and he told me his New Year's Resolution was to fight with Dawson less. I told him that was a good one. Then he asked me what mine was. I didn't want to bore him with all of them, so I told him that I wanted to slow down and enjoy the family more. To which he replied, "Oh, I thought it would be something like yell less." That's great.

Later in the day, my mom came over to watch the boys so James and I could go to a movie. As we were sitting in the theater waiting for the movie to start, he looked over at me and said, "I think this is going to be a good year for us." Then we spent the next 2 1/2 hours wanting to poke our eyes out because the movie was not good at all. I actually even fell asleep for almost 20 minutes of it.

At this point, my day is not going nearly as well as it had started at midnight, but I am still in a good mood and laughing about the previous incidents. So, James and I headed off to the mall to do some exchanges. On Black Friday, at 4am when all judgement is hazy, I bought him a shirt and pair of shoes that I really liked. Because the shirt was on sale for such a good deal, I bought a large and an XL because I wasn't sure what he'd need. When I came home, I looked and every shirt in his closet that style was a large, so I was planning on returning the other. However, I had a girlfriend come over one day for a playdate and showed her the shirt. She loved it and asked if she could buy the XL from me. Feeling confident in his size, I said sure and sold her the shirt. Then on Christmas morning, James tried on the shirt only to find out the sleeves were a little too short. He suggested an XL and all I could do was giggle. Now, we were in the store looking for and XL. But, everything was clearanced and gone. I guess January 1st is when they start moving in summer clothes (crazy.) There were no shirts above a medium and none the style I had gotten or he liked. Just to add to the fun, the shoes I had gotten him were 1/2 size too big and they didn't have his size in those either, nor could they order them. So we left the store with a credit on the credit card, no shoes, no shirt and a feeling of disbelief that I actually had the right shirt in hand and yet gave it away.

Then we went to a nice dinner and ended the night on a positive note. Lord knows, I couldn't let it stay on the course it was. This is going to be a good year!

101 Goals Update

I am 365 days into my 101 goals in 1,001 days. There are some things I have realized about my list. First, unless I rob a bank, I will not accomplish every goal. In hindsight, I wish I had put more personal goals on there and less home improvement goals that require money. Second, I have been close to a number of these goals, but do to a lack of willpower, still haven't achieved them.

It is good for me to have this list to look at, see what I have done, what I haven't and if money is not the issue, why I haven't done it. So with 636 days left, I will see what I manage to get through.

By September 28, 2011 I would like to
1. Go to Hawaii for my 10 year anniversary - This is booked 3/21-3/29 and I am SO excited!
2. Take my kids to Disney World - a possibility for summer vacay 2011
3. Go on a missions trip - still want to do this, but I think I want to wait until I can take Colton next year
4. Put wood floors in my house
5. Organize my photos - I did it, but have yet to print any new ones or keep up.
6. Keep a regular journal (or blog) - not as much as I would like, but I am so thankful for the memories I have down.
7. Work out consistently 3 to 4 times a week for 2 months - let's hope I achieve this with my I resolution
8. Read through the entire bible
9. Make it back to Colorado to visit
10. Organize the house and keep it that way for 30 days - maybe once my boys have moved out
11. Spend more quality time with the kids - there has been more of this, but not as often as I would like
12. Do a media fast for 3 days
13. Live within James' firefighting paycheck
14. Create a realistic housekeeping plan and stick to it
15. Go to a marriage conference
16. Hike the Grand Canyon
17. Take the kids skiing - one of my best days ever! Hope to do it again this year.
18. Organize the garage (possibly getting cabinets) - totally should have been on my hubby's list
19. Purge items we will never use again - did it, did it again and realized this is a revolving goal
20. Go on a cruise
21. Share my faith with a stranger
22. Keep the office clutter free for a month - I can't even do it for a day
23. Set up a homework routine for the kids
24. Do 25 random acts of kindness
25. Adopt an entire family for Christmas - we missed the deadline this year and did Angel Tree, hopefully next year
26. Learn how to use my MP3 player - still in the box
27. Volunteer at a homeless shelter
28. Figure out how to record home movies to DVD using my computer
29. Create a mission family statement and frame it
30. Purchase furniture for the front room
31. Install a fireplace
32. Get new countertops
33. Replace the bathtubs and showers in both bathrooms
34. Tile the kitchen, bathrooms and laundry room - see what I mean about robbing a bank?
35. Repaint the garage floor
36. Redo the master bedroom closet incorporating our old dresser
37. Stop swearing - my N of resolution
38. Let the kids make most of the decisions for an entire day
39. Have ice cream for dinner - we did this and I ate my while driving 75 mph on southbound I-17 home from Flagstaff. Not safe, but fun!
40. Go to a 4th of July display and sit up close to the action.
41. Do a devotional every day with the kids for a month
42. Stick to a skin care regimen
43. Redo breast augmentation
44. Find the perfect fitting bra
45. Do 100 sit ups for 30 days straight
46. Work up to being able to do 20 regular push ups (as opposed to the 5 girl ones I can do now)
47. Floss daily for 2 weeks - pathetic, but still haven't made it a full 2 weeks, some nights I am just too tired
48. Have a date once a week while the kids are in school for an entire month - this was thrown off a little by James breaking his foot, so hopefully we can start
49. Take family hikes on the weekend
50. Organize the junk drawer and get it down to drawer
51. Jog for 30 minutes straight
52. Make all 3 meals a day at home for an entire month
53. Have a great party
54. Pray every day for 30 days
55. Join another women's bible study - I love Beth Moore.
56. Make a great friend
57. Be more joyful - always trying
58. Don't worry about ANYTHING for 1 week - I don't know what I was thinking when I came up with this, I am way to Type A for this I think
59. Learn to accept my in-laws (siblings too) for who they are and appreciate their quirks - still a work in progress
60. Lead my mom back to Christ
61. See my dad
62. Redo the boys bedrooms and make them friendly and usable
63. Get the boys a laptop computer - almost happened this year for Christmas, but not yet
64. Take a 2 night getaway from the kids yearly
65. Make a point of having a special day with each boy at least 3 times a year
66. Pull the kids out of school one day just to do something fun - and skiing was fun!
67. Go to another Suns game
68. Go to the Renaissance Festival - I have to convince James of this one
69. Watch the sunset with James on the beach - did it in Carlsbad last year with the boys to and still have Maui
70. Don't plan or schedule anything for 72 entire hours. Fly by the seat of my pants! - maybe over summer break
71. Camp out in the back yard as a family
72. Stay off the phone, not even answering it, for 48 hours
73. Consider getting a dog - still considering
74. Lose 10 pounds and keep it off without depriving myself, just controlling myself
75. Go on a shopping spree when I have maintained my body for 30 days - the money is reserved and waiting
76. Don't drink any caffeine for 30 days
77. Go ice skating with the family
78. Go horseback riding as a family
79. Let my husband lead
80. Organize old momentos
81. Go to a tree lighting ceremony
82. Go the Phoenix First Assembly Christmas service
83. Go to the APS light parade
84. Rent a boat and take the boys to the lake for a day
85. Do the Hoover Dam tour
86. Recycle to the best of my abilities for 1 week
87. Meet our neighbors - I am meeting more of them
88. Learn to play the drums
89. Trade in James' jeep for a 4 door truck - right after I plant the money tree in the backyard
90. Make sure James has 1 free day a month to do whatever he wants - I am happy he has these and know he appreciates it
91. Go to lunch with a girlfriend once a month for 3 months - did it, but it fell off...need to start again
92. Get a professional massage (since my favorite place went out of business)
93. Get a facial
94. Stain the kitchen cabinets and put the knobs we bought 6 months ago on them - now it is 18 months
95. Finish armorie
96. Figure out a good place for the video games
97. Have family game night twice a month - Monopoly is helping with this
98. Take the kids to the driving range and/or golfing - does goofy golf count?
99. Scrapbook
100. Look at the word of the day on KLOVE everyday
101. Be content with my life...even if I don't accomplish anything on the list

I have a long way to go and an excuse for everything not accomplished, but if anything I think I am closer to goal 101 and that's all that matters.