Keeping Perspective

Today has been rough.  My emotions are all over the place.  Tomorrow we take Dawson down for blood work and so he can get a hospital tour and it just makes it all very real.  The closer it gets, the more I don't want to do it.  Although after the scare on Friday when he tested positive for strep and the possibility of having to postpone everything, I know I just want to get it over with.

It has been interesting to see how people handle me and this situation.  Some are calling and checking often, others are there when I need to just cry, others sending me messages, but unsure of what to do or say so keeping their distance.  I know everyone handles things different and so I am trying hard not to take it personally when someone doesn't show as much concern as I hoped they would.  On a positive note, I am completely humbled by how many people are praying for Dawson and for me during this time and so blessed to have so many great people in my life.

I worry about Colton during all of this too.  I know Dawson is the one going in, but Colton is the one left home, worrying, without James or I here to assure him.  My mom is great and will be with him the entire time, but he is just my sensitive, sweet soul who takes it upon himself when he sees others hurting.  I have tried to be strong around him, but he sees my tears well up and gives me a great hug.

So, to the perspective part.  This entire journey, I have tried to stay positive and remind myself that this is something fixable and not terminal.  That he will be in the hospital for 6 days, not 6 weeks or months doing cancer treatments.  And that there is a purpose for all of this.  On Saturday, my grandpa's new wife called and said they got Dawson a little something and they were hoping to see him before the surgery, so we went over the next day to visit.  This happens to be my grandpa who lost his leg two years ago to diabetes complications.  As we were leaving, they told Dawson they would be praying for him this week to which he replied, "And I'll be praying your leg grows back!"  It's all about keeping perspective.