The Truth Hurts

When we went to church today, Colton had to do a worksheet with the acrostic PRAY. The P was for Praise, things to be thankful for. He was thankful that Jesus was loving, forgiving and kind. The A was for Ask, things to ask Jesus for help on. He asked for help on his grades, being nice and playing fair. The Y was for a Yes or No question. The letter that hit me the hardest was the R. It was for Repent, what was he sorry for. When I read his response, I teared up. It said, "I am sorry for always making my mom mad."

I cannot begin to say how much this broke my heart. The past few weeks have been rough around here. We are trying to adjust to a new schedule and I tend to yell every morning to try and get the boys out of the house on time. I haven't been feeling 100%, basically since school started. I can sleep 12 hours a day and still feel tired. My throat hurt for a week, my stomach is not right today. But even with all of those excuses, and that is all they are, is this what he thinks about in his alone time with God?

This has hit me right between the eyes. Not that it is excusable with Dawson because he is younger, but Colton is at an age where these are going to be his lifetime memories. What kind of legacy am I leaving? If I got cancer or was in a car accident tomorrow, would he remember the mom who snuggled up to watch movies, took him on fun vacations, helped out at his school to be around him, and went to all of his sporting events to cheer him on? Or, would he remember the mom who yelled when she was overwhelmed, who said, "in a minute" so I could finish an email, or laid on the couch because I had a headache?

My time with him is running out and I want to be the kind of mom that he remembers with more good than bad. I have always heard that it takes 10 positive things to undo a negative and it is proving to be true. I just pray I can get myself to a point where I am not stressed. If that means taking things off my plate, then I will have to get over the fact that I feel like I am letting people down. The person I need to be concerned with not letting down is my son, my family for that matter and God. Say a prayer for me.

Five Bucks

Right, wrong or indifferent, when I was a kid my mom used to pay me to get good grades. Every quarter when I brought my report card home, I would earn money for my grades. Since Colton is in third grade this year and they are starting letter grades, I thought I would run the idea by him and see what he thought. I told him that if he wanted, we would start giving him $5 for every A, $3 for every B, and $1 for every C. However, if there are any D's, then he gets nothing. I told him that is not a punishment, but if he does not understand something to the point of getting a D, that it is his responsibility to address it before report card time.

So, five days in to school, he brings home his folder with graded papers. Well, somewhere between when we discussed the plan and when he brought home his first grade, he must have forgotten the "report card" part. He walks in the door, hands me a paper with an A and goes, "Yeah, I'll take my five bucks now."

Lovely.

A Little Whining

This is the first week of school. My babies are in kindergarten and third grade. It is so hard to get back into a routine and there is a little whining going on in the house lately. But, it's not from the kids, it's from me. I am tired!!!

While I complain, I still realize how fortunate I am, but nonetheless, I am going to complain.

I am tired of packing. This summer has been crazy. I have been packing 20+ days a month and some of those days are two jobs. It is hot and people are cranky and I am just plain not in the mood. I know it won't be busy forever and I know the money is a blessing, but if this keeps up much longer, I am going to loose it.

I am bummed about my hubby's 40 hour schedule. Today James started back to work...in the office. He will be there for another four weeks until his foot is completely healed. We have really become use to his 24/48 schedule and even though I complain about it from time to time, like when he works Sundays, overall it really fits our family better. I do realize though how fortunate we are that he has a job where this is an option. If this had happened when he was a mechanic, we would have six unpaid weeks and be in a real pickle. I just want things back to normal.

The kids school is also torking me off. I signed up to volunteer to work in the copy room on Tuesday's. ALL DAY, for seven hours for free. And yet, yesterday, on my first day, I got a run down on the rules: don't talk to teachers unless they talk to you, don't steal things you copy, don't ..., don't ..., seriously am I in third grade? Do you not understand that I am doing you a favor here?!?! Then, my other gripe is that my kindergartner is being let out at 2:50 while my third grader is not released until 3:08. That is a problem. Dawson is not going to sit unattended for 18 minutes without getting into trouble and being that it was 109 degrees today with about 50% humidity, I think both him and I are going to melt if we have to sit out there and wait again tomorrow. With that said, yes I am lucky that I don't have to work every day and can volunteer and that I am available to pick up my kids.

Whew! I am sure I could come up with more to complain about, but I am too tired. Not quite as tired as I was when I got home with the kids form school, laid down on the couch and drooled in my sleep for 30 minutes, but still tired. Now, I need to shake it off, be thankful and positive about tomorrow. Here it goes!

The Truth

So my friend April tagged me in her blog to make a list of 10 truth's about me. Not many people know about my blog, but I want her to know I appreciate her thinking of me, so here is goes.

The Truth About Me...
1. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up...it's gone from a vet, to a lawyer, to a teacher, to a counselor, to a nurse. Right now, I am just a mom.
2. I seriously thought that having a second child was my chance to redeem myself for everything I did wrong with my first. However, I now know I have messed up with him just as much.
3. I could eat Cold Stone Cake Batter with Cookie Dough Ice Cream every day.
4. I could also drink a Sweet Tea with it.
5. I fear that I don't show my family how much they mean to me often enough.
6. I am an organized freak...seriously I have a color coded calendar that has stuff planned until next March on it already.
7. Although I talk a lot and am outgoing, I am incredibly insecure with myself.
8. I swear like a sailor, but wish I could stop.
9. I wish I was a more optimistic person.
10. I am so thankful for the life I have! There were many other paths along the way, but God protected me and steered me in the right direction.

So there it is. Nothing too spectacular, but all the truth.